A lot of the time I talk with people about healing their birth families (which they were raised in) and their core families (that they build themselves). We all receive patterns from our birth family that we continue into our own core families. This why sometimes patterns become Ancestral problems, which each generation being out of balance. So, today I'm going to write about how to recognize these unhealthy patterns, forgive the generations above us and below us and heal them.
Recognizing unhealthy family patterns
If you look at the generations above you and below you what type of family story do you see emerge? Does everybody have a good job or are some people workaholics (unbalanced) or unmotivated (unbalanced in the other direction). How does your family deal with money? Are some people extremely stingy while others give away too freely? How about love? Are the relationships healthy or do you have many divorces or abusive relationships or people who refuse to start a relationship. How about self-esteem?
An unhealthy pattern doesn't mean that all family members do exactly the same thing. Like the questions above usually a few family members choose one extreme while the other family members choose another. To see the unhealthy pattern, to most common question should be: Does my family deal healthily with love, friendships, self-esteem, learning, money, health etc. and if not, which extreme patterns do I see?
What is the difference in healing a personal pattern vs a family pattern?
If there is a personal pattern and for example you are the only one in your family having self esteem issues, there is often personal trauma involved. You might have had a harsh teacher or been bullied at school.
If it's a family pattern the problem is often much more difficult to root out, because none of your family can help you build healthy self-esteem, because none of them have it. It often means that the problem becomes reinforced as your parents might teach you to work extra hard to prove yourself while pointing out other family members who 'amount to nothing' as they took the other extreme and decided not to play the rat-race game.
So when struggling with an unhealthy pattern that is difficult to heal, take some time to check how your family deals with it. A family pattern could have been caused by trauma to an ancestor high up, so it's hard to figure out what happened, but it can also have happened to your mother, father or grandparents so it might be easier to find out what the 'start trauma' was. It will bring you more understanding and forgiveness, but it's not necessary to find out the start trauma to heal it.
Exercise: Healing an unhealthy family pattern
- Write down in detail what you feel is the unhealthy pattern and what everybody's role is in it.
- Write down what you need to do to transform your role from unhealthy to healthy
- Imagine yourself transforming this in your life and your good example showing others in your family how to do this for themselves
- Sit with the light of transformation within you until you feel cleared and at peace.
- Ask for the light of your transformation to be moved through the generations above and below you
- Ask for transformation again if you feel you are backsliding into the pattern and make sure you move it through your whole family tree again
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