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Dear People,

Power Struggle is a very damaging dynamic in which winning becomes more important then anything else. It's a dynamic that knows only losers, because there is no healthy outcome. Yet it is one of the most insidious dynamics in relationships to stop, so today I'm writing about recognizing and stopping power struggles.

What is a Power Struggle?

The short version: a Power Struggle is a fight about control between you and another person. For example: between you and your child about what gets eaten at dinner or between you and your spouse about what you will do in the weekend.

The long version: 

While a power struggle looks to be about control (what happens/what decision is made) when you look closer you can see a lot of emotions and thoughts connected to a struggle. Fear, Anger, Loss, Betrayal, Feeling unloved or like a failure etc. almost always play a role.

If those feelings and thought patterns aren't addressed, nothing is really resolved. Even if you get your way, your partner will struggle with these and it won't be a true win. If you lose, you get to hold the bag and it won't be a true win for your partner.

Solving the power struggle: Tactic 1: Stop Struggling

What ever you are trying to accomplish, whatever you want, whoever you are trying to control let it go. Drop the rope. Stop trying to convince your partner, child or friend. Heal your own emotions and thought patterns first. Acknowledge why something is important for you, without putting blame on your struggle partner. Put your wishes back into perspective and often you will find that the other person is more willing to listen, understand and compromise now that you have let go. You yourself might be surprised at how little you actually 'care' now that you have stopped the struggle and healed your issues.

Solving the power struggle: Tactic 2: Get back on the Team

In a power struggle both parties feel they are right, both feel that it's absolutely necessary to receive what you want, to gain control. This mindset is destructive: we don't want losers in our relationships. Whenever somebody loses (energy, love, patience etc.) or receives trauma (betrayal, pain, heartbreak) our relationship suffers. We also still have to deal with what happened, because someone we love is in pain. So step out of the mindset. Get back on the team. Ask your struggle partner what you can do to help, listen to them on what is going on with them, help them first and then ask for help in return. Make it a team effort to find compromise, make a plan and move forward.

Solving the power struggle: Tactic 3: Allow outside help

Maybe there is somebody who can mediate or if there isn't, you can ask your Guides, Angels, God, The Universe or whatever positive force you are comfortable with to intercede for you. Find it in your heart to move towards a solution, instead of 'getting your way' by asking for help.

Want to solve a power struggle or talk about one that's currently in your life? Post a comment on the Blog or Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.