Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear people,

Often we find ourselves torn between two different parts of ourselves. Maybe we feel like our heart is craving something else then our head is telling us, maybe it's the 'good girl' wanting to do one thing while the 'lazy bum' wants to do another. Often, we are split, which is causing great damage to our energy and well being.

Past splits, like decisions about staying or leaving a relationship, job or country, can still haunt us as well. You can notice this when you have regrets, resentment or pain that you know is rooted in a past decision.

Today I'm sharing an exercise designed to integrate both sides of yourself, by giving them what they need, so you can step into a new beginning. I've done this exercise with a group of people at the free healing evening in October and it was very well received. A lot of people noticed immediate feelings of peacefulness, but also recognized how stuck they have become into the conflict so the middle road was invisible to them.

Exercise Inner Conflict Integration
This exercise is designed to do with two people, however, if you want to do it on your own, you can stand in both roles for yourself. I highly recommend that you then choose a Deck, like my 100% Positivity Set, to receive the Gift necessary, instead of listening to your own intuition. It's very hard to heal your own conflict so getting some extra help is recommended.

Role A: Conflicted Person
Role B: Helping Hand

 
A identifies the conflict and discusses it with B (or if you are doing this on your own, you discuss this situation out loud).

First, A, energetically enters one side of the conflict by taking a step to the left, sharing the thoughts, feelings, or behavior that comes with this part. You can feel the influence this side has on your energy by the feelings in your physical body, energy body or shifts in your emotional and mental state. Discuss this out loud.

B, asks God, your higher Self, Angels or anyone else to come and help out, but you can also help A from a higher Self perspective, your own experiences or by drawing a Card. First absorb the energy for yourself before you bring it to A. Name what you are bringing and step into the conflicted side to bring this new energy, gift or advice into this side.

Stay together for a moment and let the energy flow until you feel that it is ready.

A steps over the "middle point", to the right, the other side of the conflict. B moves to the opposite position so you are facing each other again.
 
A shares the thoughts, feelings and behavior that belongs to this conflict side. Take the time again to really feel what this side of the conflict is doing to you, what it needs or what part of you is invested in it.

B, this time brings the gift to side 2, to bring peace and love there. Again, first name the gift, accept it for yourself before bringing it to A.

Just stand quietly together and let the energy flow until it feels ready.
 
A then steps back to the middle, the starting point of the exercise. B can stand by A or just behind A. A makes a conscious decision to take a step forward to end the conflict and integrate both gifts into a new beginning. When creating this new beginning, you can find insights, inspiration or changes in your behavior.

Want to work on your own inner conflict or share a story on how this exercise has helped you?  Leave a message on the blog, the Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.

Dear People,

Letting go continues to be a big topic in my own life, but also in the life of clients. Often they come to me because they are stuck in a rut, stuck in old pain or stuck in other ways. Letting go is supposed to be the most natural thing. Moving forward into your journey, you can't hold on to everything. And when your hands are full with the old, you can't accept the new.

Even so, it's often a struggle for people to let go and moving forward from the ways of the old, towards the new beginning is a natural process that sometimes needs an easier transition. So I'm writing down some exercises to make it easier for people to let go.

Letting go of old items
When we keep the old in our lives, our houses, cars and workplaces will overflow with things. A cluttered life drags us down, but even so, it can be really hard to let go of things. I prefer to ask myself the following three questions about letting go:

1. Do I need to pass it on towards somebody else who will love it, like I used to love it? (Think selling, gifting or donating it)
2. Do I need to acknowledge that it's broken, it's service to me has passed and it needs to be released? If so, I usually honor it by speaking gratefully or I sometimes make a photo to commemorate something.
3. Do I need to be honest that this item, that I bought for a purpose didn't get that purpose realized and that I have changed and grown since then? It's hard to realize that that instrument you bought or that hobby you did isn't something you want to invest time in anymore. It's good to mourn that dream, realize it's no longer yours and move towards selling, gifting or donating it.

Letting go of old bonds
Sometimes people have passed from our lives and yet we still think of them or miss them. It might be impossible to get them back (passed away) or a bad idea (toxic relationships). Often we miss part of them, that beautiful part, that we can't let go. However, the more we hold on, the less likely we are to build fulfilling bonds with others.

A simple exercise to letting go of bonds is the following:

1. Send gratitude and love towards the other person for being in your life for the time that they were
2. Acknowledge that letting go is in the best interest of both parties. If you still feel rejection, loss or heartbreak, acknowledge that they have the right to surround themselves with people that they feel right in and that you are not it. Free them to be their best selves, so you can be your best self. Ask for the lesson
3. Acknowledge the space they leave - a new place is born for somebody else. Even though this lack might feel uncomfortable, in time, a better deeper healthier and lovelier bond will grow

Letting go of old identities
We all pick up identities as we grow through life. Common one's are student, child and work titles, but identities can also be centered around hobby's like soccer player or guitarist. We need to shed these identities sometimes as we naturally transition into someone else. When we don't shed them, we will continue to behave as an old identity or feel trapped within ourselves, instead of free to discover who we are and free to stand in our truth.

We only identify that strongly with something because it has held our love, our energy and our attention. Still, willingly or unwillingly, we move out of identities as well. So it's natural to mourn a little at a transition, while at the same time being excited and happy for the new.

If we didn't transition naturally, you will find that you either hoard old stuff connected to the identity or you hide them all away, because the loss is painful.

A loving exercise to transition into the truth of you is the following:

1. Acknowledge transitions that you have gone through like child, teenager, adult and how each stage brought you joys and gifts. You might also have transitions like student/worker or single/committed relationship. 
2. Look gently at the identities that you haven't let go off and that you know you should. Recognize that if you move into the truth, you will receive the joys of the new stage(s). Love yourself where you are at. 
3. If you feel like it's too sad to acknowledge the transition, ask Heaven, your Guide or Higher Self what the gift is for you. Give it to yourself with love.
4. Your transition is complete if you can look with love and gratitude upon the old identity and with joy and excitement onto the new (undiscovered) one.

Want to talk to me about transitions or want a little help to move into your truth? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.

• Take two sheets and a pen and make sure you have around 15 minutes uninterrupted time.
• On the first sheet, write down all the feelings of the other person involved in the situation. Write down the emotions as big as you feel them, so PAIN might be capitalized or written on half the page.
• On the second sheet, start writing down your own emotions, also writing them down as big as you feel them.

Dear People,

A while ago I talked to several people about the differences between approval, understanding and love. When we are kids, our parents approval equal to their love, as we receive rewards and kindness when they approve of our behavior. Understanding seems also very closely linked to care, as we seem to think that when people understand us they care and if they care, they'd understand us. Sometimes people feel that if you understand, you'd approve, but that isn't always the case.

Seeing these three as separate entities will help you receive the love people have for you, even if you don't get their approval or understanding

Approval
Approval literally means the action of approving something or the belief that something is good or acceptable. If you look back upon your own life, you might have found actions from your loved one's that you didn't approve off, while it didn't negate or diminish your love for them at all. An extreme form of disapproval for example is that we all know that people do not approve of drug use, but you need only look at how devastated families with an addict in it are to recognize that there certainly is love involved.

It's also extremely interesting to see who you feel you need approval from. If you still need your parents approval, then on some level, it almost always means that you want their love instead. Focus on why you haven't felt their love, connect to their love and you will notice your need for approval will disappear. If you want the approval of your boss, your partner or your child, you might have issues with self-confidence or self-worth.

Next time when somebody disapproves of you, notice how it affects you and recognize that you still have their love. Focus on that path you want to walk and the human being you want to be. Often people disapprove of what they conceive are risks that are too great, but that are absolutely right for the person involved. Also freely understand that when you disapprove of something, you are still able to love the person.

Understanding
Understanding literally means sympathetic awareness or tolerance. It means that you can empathize with somebody, but doesn't mean that you approve or give zero consequences. So people can understand that you are late because you overslept, but still make a note on your record.

Asking for people's understanding and then trying to force them to 'see it your way', 'to approve' or 'to prove that they care' is a losing battle. People often freely give their understanding, but still don't approve as they would have made different choices themselves. They might understand, but still be disappointed that you didn't follow through or expect you to still do what you said.

If you try to use understanding to control others, you are missing an essential point. They are still being sympathetic to you, they still show care, they are just not doing what you want based on that understanding. Accept their loving understanding and recognize that sometimes you will receive understanding and love, but not approval. Remind yourself how often you've been understanding, but still wanted consequences for the other person.

Want to talk about approval, love and understanding? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.

I talked about the importance of grounding, to make sure you stay connected to your body and the now, but today I want to speak about cleansing. There are many situations where I recommend cleansing yourself. Today I'd be speaking about these situations and give you many ways to cleanse yourself. If you haven't done it before, a mindful cleansing ritual might give you that energy boost you've been waiting on.

When is cleansing necessary?
I would say cleansing is necessary when you feel that you need to do so. Some people have regular cleansing rituals, while others just connect with their own energy field to see when it's necessary. I regularly recommend cleansing to clients if I notice the energy field being weak or overwhelmed.

If you don't have time to check in with me or don't feel confident checking your own energy field, you can check the underlying list and see if you'd fit any of these situations:

• Your energy field is weak and you have picked up emotions/energy from others
• When you have been sick
• When you notice yourself being in moods/low energy/small complaints that don't seem to end
• When you have been very upset and it feels like you can't let go/move on
• When you went through a shocking situation
• When you've been in contact with toxic substances, toxic situations or toxic people
• When you want to take a new step and feel some of the old is still within you

Why would you cleanse?
When your energy field is strong it will process all your emotions, your energy and energy you pick up from outside sources (human, animal or objects) easily and fast. Sometimes things happen (see the list above) and your energy field becomes overwhelmed and then it's a matter of time before problems start occurring on the physical, emotional and mental planes.

Usually the energy field will balance and heal itself when you take actions that automatically help your field, but sometimes those aren't enough and a cleanse is the perfect way to boost yourself.

How can you cleanse?
There are many different ways to cleanse, so pick from the list what you like to see what kind of results you have. Generally cleansing works best when it's something that encourages your energy field to flow naturally (so a flow of water is better then sitting water), it's a way to tune into higher energy vibrations (access them with mantra's or intent) or it's a way to process energy faster (releasing through journalling or EFT)

Here is a list of things that you can try:

• Take a show
• Stream cold water past your arms/hands
• Stroking movements down your arms/legs
• Yoga 
• Swimming
• Intent 
• Affirmations
• Meditation/Visualisation
• Singing Bowls
• Drumming
• Mantra's
• Crystals (Selenite especially)
• Forest Bathing
• Journalling
• EFT

Want to share your own cleansing techniques or talk to me about cleansing? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your cleansing stories by e-mail or talk to me in the practice.

Dear People,

Often we feel pressured to make choices and we can get tired of feeling like everything we do matters and we just don't know what to do. It can also feel like we 'have no choice' are 'forced to do this' which means we often don't enter the situation with grace and kindness, but instead of low energy, resentment and anger. It's hard to feel blessed with free will sometimes, so today I'm writing about the power of choice.

Power of choice: Owning your choices
Regardless of what our ego or our thoughts tell us, we always have a choice. Even if somebody is standing next to you with a gun, we still have a choice. Even if somebody overpowers us, we still have a choice. Some choices we make fully conscious and aware of the consequences, while others are subconscious and some are in between. By owning our choices, we keep positive energy flowing.

Example 1: Christmas Attendance
If you say you 'have to' attend Christmas with your parents and you just 'don't have a choice', you can almost feel the resentment building. You won't be happy sitting at the dinner table, you won't be happy seeing your parents, although in the end you might classify it as: "not too bad".

If you own your choice and you say: "I rather go to my parents with Christmas then have a fight with them/host my own Christmas/do my own thing/make a fuss", then you will know that you are the one who choose this. That also means, consciously if this changes the next year you might kick up a fuss, choose to host yourself or just take a vacation.

Example 2: Biking vs Car
Somebody asks you if you want to meet up by car or by bike. You know you  have a preference but you don't want to say car. You probably have some judgements on that (lazy, costly etc.) so you say bike. You end up blowing up your bike tire by hitting it on the shed door, so bike is now out.

You can say your subconscious sabotaged you, but your soul also gives you a lesson right at this moment to make choices that are right for you and own up to them.

Power of choice: Allowing for the answer
A lot of the time, people desperately want to right answer, the right choice and they want to make it right now. However, one of the beautiful things in the power of choice is allowing for the answer. Take your time to listen to all channels of wisdom (your body, your emotional responses, your mental thought processes, your intuition, soul guidance etc.) and if they don't match take some time to sort through the "Why".

Sometimes you are asking the wrong question, and while you want to choose between A & B, C is the answer. Sometimes old pain or bad thought patterns can keep you from moving forward towards a choice that's right for you.

Allow for an answer and it will come to you, even when you are conflicted or see no way out. I prefer to meditate on the question and to listen. Sometimes when I'm told to wait and not rush off to 'fix things' that don't need to be fixed, it's still hard on me. However, when I listen the right answer will present itself.

Power of choice: Choosing again
We always try to make a choice in good faith, because nobody would willingly and consciously choose to be in a bad relationship, marry the wrong person, accept the wrong job etc. However, sometimes our choices have consequences we don't like or we have changed and no longer want what we once chose.

In any situation, there is always the ability to choose again. To change course. To correct based on what new information you received or what you experienced. That doesn't mean your initial choice was wrong, just that you need that part of the path before you could continue on.

Power of choice: Reframing your situation
A lot of times we choose to see a situation was annoying, desperate, horrible or painful. It's a choice that we sometimes make consciously and sometimes subconsciously. It's important to understand that we can make our life easier when we choose another option.

Nobody likes to be late at work, but we can frame it as a horrible thing or we can say: 'shit happens'. We can ask ourselves: "What is the lesson in this?", or we can run around in busyness and start trying to solve things asap. When you change how you look at things, you will notice immediate results in energy levels and mood. That doesn't mean it's easy - but it's very worthwhile. I hope to achieve the day where I can honestly say that only good things happen to me - just some good things I like more then others.

Want to talk about your way of dealing with choices? Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook,  e-mail me or talk to me in the practice.

Dear People,

A lot of the time we are busy trying to deal with everything on our own. Asking for help is not something that comes natural to most of us. So it's no surprise that I've written 2 articles on it, but today I want to focus on what type of outside energy/guidance is available to us and how you can incorporate them into your life.

God/Highest Source/Heaven/Universe
A lot of people feel connected to a greater something, regardless on what type of name we will put on it. As an outside source, this is the easiest to connect with, but also often the hardest to get a clear answer from for a lot of people. It's because the energy is so big and loving, it's nice to access, but sometimes it feel our concerns are very small in comparison.

Incorporating this in your life can be as simple as saying a prayer or spending time tuning into the energy.

Guide
A lot of people work with one Guide exclusively. They try to foster a relationship where they can ask their Guide for Guidance regularly. Guides come from all walks of life, with different interests and advice based on what they are meant to help you with. There are many meditations to help meet your Guide, but sometimes Guides can also change during your life time.

Incorporate your Guide by meditating regularly, until you receive a name or image, that stays clear, so you can ask for advice and help.

Angels
Angels have held people's awe for a long time. There are Angels in oral tradition in lots of different places, so while Christians tend to think they are the only one with Angels, that isn't true. For many Angels are the messengers of God, more accessible to us, and easier to receive guidance from.

Incorporate working with Angels by calling upon them regularly, you will notice different Angel Energies depending on your question and work. There are also many good sets to work with Angels if you want to work with cards.

Faeries
Faeries can be nature spirits, but also spirits that are sideways from the reality that we perceive. They are often more capricious then Angels, but also more fun and down to earth. Their energy is very different and there are many different ways in which they can help you.

Incorporate working with Faeries by doing nature work, like growing plants, gardening or working with flowers in your daily life. Pay attention when you walk in the woods or in other natural places. Again, there are many good sets to work with Faeries if you want to work with cards.

Animal Totems
Animal Totems come from the tradition that animals have lessons to teach us and are valuable in our daily lives. Totems are more then just animals, as you can talk with Totem Animals and receive great wisdom. A lot of people who are drawn to Animal Totems feel connected to nature and Shamanism. Animal Totems help with spiritual lessons and integrating pieces of yourself.

Incorporate working with Animal Totems by doing meditative work, chanting or Shamanistic work. I work with Animal Orbs during meditation, but there are also several good sets of Cards if you want to work with Animal Totems.

Ancestors
While currently, a lot of people in the west don't work with Ancestors, in the East, honoring your ancestors and having access to their wisdom is very common place.

Incorporate your ancestors by tuning in energetically, doing some research on them or even putting a small candle by a photo of ancestors you feel connected to (like your parents, grandparents etc.).

Want to talk about your sources of energy/guidance? Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook,  e-mail me or talk to me in the practice.

Dear People,

Often we have troubles looking clearly at our own actions in the past. We can be overcome by shame, fear or guilt when we relive what we have done. We might get angry at the state of our lives or jealous at others. So we shy away from our truth and our past, missing important clues on how to make or now and our future better.

So today I've written a little bit about the healing power of self reflection and an exercise to try at home.

Self Reflection
As a tool, self reflection helps us by showing us what is working and isn't working in our lives. When we try something, we never know what kind of results we get, until the end. Then we have to live with the consequences. When we use self reflection, we are powerless to change what has happened, but we are empowered by hindsight and experience.

I like to reflect on how the main three things first: time, energy and attention. I like to see how I used my time during the day, week or month. That allows me to see what I'm doing with my life. Sometimes I might get mired in spending time on things that don't matter much to me (pointless reading, long phone calls etc.) instead of working towards my goals and enjoying my life.

I also check how my energy levels where. Seeing where they dip, allows me to see what isn't working or where I need more support. Or, just relax and deal with the fact that I got the flu or are a little below the weather. I check if my energy is with me or if I'm giving it to others, trying to help them in a self sacrificing or sabotaging way. Seeing where my energy grows and multiplies, tells me what I need to have more off in my life.

I also see what has held my attention; did I work towards my goals? Was I distracted with other things going on in my life? Did I got stuck in negativity or did I move towards problem solving? Was I able to trust or not? What holds our attention grows and we often spend time and energy on that which holds our attention.

Exercise
Make sure you have around 10-25 minutes in which you can work uninterrupted and have a pen and paper ready. If during this exercise you notice that you are creating judgements, fear, shame or guilt, take some time to release those.

Question 1: What went well this (week/month/year) ?
Sub-question: Why?

Question 2: What didn't go well ? What are you disgruntled/angry/dissatisfied about?
Sub-question: Why not? What would have been better to do?

Question 3: What plans/decisions are you going implement in the next (week/month/year) ?

Example:
What went well this week?
Eating healthier food.

Why?
It went well because I made sure I had some good snacks to take with me or easily grab. I made time to make some good juices to help pick me up. I planned healthier dinners and was energetic enough to fix them. I saw some good results on the scale and that motivated me to stay on course.

What didn't went well?
Fixing some administration. I still have to finish it.

Why not?
I'm bored, I don't like doing it and it's a lot of work. I preferred doing other things and distracted myself with other tasks. It would have been better to plan a time/date and sit my ass down to finish it.

What am I going to implement?
I need some extra motivation, so I'm going to reward myself when this administration is finished. I will plan a time/date that works so I can have 2 uninterrupted hours and fix it. I am going to continue with the healthy dinners.

Possible problems in judgements/fears/shame/guilt:

• I should have done it already => I can't go back in time
• I am lazy => I choose to finish this and increase my discipline and motivation
• I am dumb => I choose to find help so I can finish this
• Well, that went well, let's not think on it => I choose to learn from my experiences
• I am afraid I can't do this => Let's find out how far I come/Let's try

Want to use self reflection regularly to make better choices? Start journalling, start a bullet journal or use an App. Want help with self reflection in a healthy manner or share your journey? Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook,  e-mail me or ask me in the practice.

Dear People,

We can't escape grief in our lives, because one way or another we will all experience loss. Loss can come in many forms like the loss of a person, a pet or a part of ourselves, but also the loss of a relationship, friendship or an object. We often react to loss with fear, anger, denial and sadness, but we can also choose to respond in a different way. Today I'm writing about three ways people can react to loss to help us understand ourselves and others in our grief.

If you want to work on your grief with EFT on your own, please look at the EFT and Grief blog post.

Head/Heart/Belly System
A few years ago I started working with my own system to explain ways in which we can react and how we can balance those energy systems. A lot of people feel strive between Head and Heart, or between thoughts and feelings, but the Belly is also an important energy system that houses our instincts.

For the purpose of this article, I won't get into the whole system, but in a nutshell Head is our mind, our thoughts, our analytical side, Heart is our emotional side, our feelings and Belly is our instinctual side, our side that wants action. We are a combination of these sides, but we might find some of them easier then others and might have a preferred way to react.

Grieving through Heart Center
This type of grieving is the one we all universally recognize; grieving purely emotionally. It can come in tears, sobs, hysterical crying, but also in pulling hairs or truly becoming hysterical. In many movies, this is the only type of grief shown, as it's quite visual.

People who grieve through the heart center often want a lot of comfort, encouragement, talking and physical contact. That's because the other centers help stabilize the hurting heart center. If they are past the worst of their grief, they often want to speak about the deceased.

They often look through the emotional lens at everything. As such it can be hard if you grieve differently to deal with primarily heart center grievers. Even things that you might deem unimportant or easy to solve (like throwing out the trash in the deceased house or signing the divorce papers) is a huge emotional happening.

Misunderstanding can easily arise and giving comfort to primarily heart center grievers can be super draining. So instead of making them feel overly sensitive, dramatic or childish or hearing accusations of being heartless step away from them when you need to to recharge.

Grieving though Head Center
Primarily Head center grievers show their grief by trying to make sense of things on an analytical level. They often are busy thinking things through, making plans for the funeral and keeping things running smoothly. They often get praise for being 'a rock that can be counted on', as they don't tend to show much emotional turmoil in their grief.

People who grief through the head center are most commonly known to say things like: "If it's your time it's your time", making it sound like they are much further along in their grieving process (acceptance) or that they just don't care. Neither is true, they are just trying to find a way of dealing with their grief. They often prefer to be alone with their thoughts, but trying to support them through loving actions or helping them give voice to their emotions is still very beneficial.

They look through the mental lens at everything. It's much harder for them to let go of grief and often they have an (emotional) break down later, when everything is arranged or when a plan doesn't come together. They will rant about the unfairness of it all or get really sad.

Often people who grief through the head center sound like they have it all figured out and so we forget to give comfort to them. As such, it's easy for head center grievers to feel a little bit abandoned. Remind yourself that even when we have it all figured out, it's still nice when somebody wants to help us.

Grieving through Belly Center 
Primarily Belly Center grievers show their grief by trying to get things done and often have a physical component to their grief. They like to run to clear their head, clear out the house of the deceased or just go the gym to feel better. They often annoy other grievers with their urge to process their grief by doing things.

People who grief through the belly center often are the one's most gungho about moving forward, leaving heart grievers upset and head grievers unwilling to do things 'without a plan'. This isn't because they aren't grieving, they just feel like they aren't able to process things without things moving forward.

They look through a physical/instinctual lens at everything. As such they feel they can process their grief by moving forward, cleaning up things, moving stuff or even cutting their hair. Physical changes bring them comfort.

Often people who grief through the belly center look like they have processed the grief already or don't deeply grieve due to their huge drive forward. This isn't true and a lot of time this leads to very painful misunderstandings. Where head grievers are told they have 'no heart', because they want to discuss and plan, belly grievers are told they are just want to forget about the loss or pretend it doesn't exist.

Comfort belly center grievers by doing something with them, even if it's just cooking a meal or taking a walk. Acknowledge that they are grieving in their own way and that they have the right to do so. They might also like making a memento to process their grief.

Want to share something about grief or have questions on processing yours?
Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook,  e-mail me or ask me in the practice.

Dear People,

Often in our lives we experience pain. Pain can exist on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual. Some anguish can be so difficult that it feels like our soul is dying or we are. A lot of people try to suppress, evade or even ignore pain, but in the end all pain serves a purpose. Today I'm writing about some of these purposes so you can choose to learn the lesson and let go of your pain. I also included an exercise because letting go of pain helps us immediately gain more energy, happiness and peace.

Pain as a warning
Even children sometimes learn the lesson of pain the best by experiencing it as a warning. You can tell them a 100 times not to touch because it's hot, but once touched, they often learn immediately not to do it again. Adults also still learn in this way - sometimes we get warnings that something or someone is bad for us, but we move forward anyway. We need to get burnt to make sure we take ourselves, our intuition and our warnings seriously.

The resulting pain is a potent reminder for us that what we are doing isn't right and that we need to change course. It reminds us to trust our instincts, intuition or the friends who warned us. The remembrance of this pain will help us make much better decisions, but keeping the pain alive to punish ourselves or to stay in victim mode is unhealthy.

Pain as a lesson in what matters
Sometimes we don't know how much we appreciate something or someone until it's gone. Losing out is deeply hurtful. When our expectations aren't met we recognize how much they mattered to us. It might mean that we really want to be treated with respect or that we want somebody to be our friend or approve of us.

While of course we aren't happy, this pain gives us important information on what matters to us most. What we should spend time, energy and attention on. Jealousy or envy is also a pain that shows us what matters; after all, when we want what others have, it shows us what matters to us.

Pain as a trigger of change
One of the most annoying pains is the one of guilt or resentment. On one hand we have done something we aren't proud of (so we feel guilty) in the other we feel the other person hasn't done their part (we feel resentment). These types of pain can be a trigger of change in the behavior in ourselves.

We will most likely choose to treat another person with more respect or kindness next time we encounter a similar situation, because nobody likes the sting of guilt. We also might choose not to move into sacrifice or communicate clearly with others so we don't feel resentment.

Exercise: Processing Pain
Set aside at least 15-20 minutes to do this exercise. You might also like some alone time after this, to settle yourself. If you know you have problems accessing your emotions, you can use a crystal, music or other aids to help you access a safe space.

• Breathe deeply in and out a few times
• Say aloud: "I am in pain" 2-3 times to access the pain that's been bothering you
• Place one hand on the place where you feel this pain
• If possible, place the other hand on a place of strength (solar plexus Chakra, heart Chakra, outside item)
• Say aloud: "I choose to know the purpose of my pain"
• If the pain lessens, place the strength hand on your Crown Chakra and listen
• If the pain doesn't lessen, move back to the previous place of just feeling your pain or ask that your pain might be lifted/processed 
• Once you have heard the purpose, it's time to completely let go of the pain
• Say aloud: "I chose to let go of this pain or I free myself of this pain"
• You can symbolically cleanse yourself, move the pain towards a Guide, Angels, The Universe, God or any other source of good. 
• Sit quietly until you feel at peace

Want to get rid of some stubborn pain or share your experience with this exercise? Talk to me in the practice, leave a message on the blog or Facebook Fan Page.

Dear People,

I think all of us would love it when people would just easily respect our boundaries. A clear no is a clear no and not a start of a negotiation. An explanation of our reasons is a way to foster understanding and not a discussion on the validity of those reasons. Sadly, boundary stomping exists and while some of it is done unintentionally, not all of it is. So here is an article to deal better with people who won't respect our boundaries or who try to test if we are willing to keep to them.

Boundary testing: not respecting a No
Your boss has asked you to work on a day that you can't. You said no. He put you on the schedule anyway. What do you do?  In other relationships we might encounter this by people saying: "I already told X that you would do that" or somebody sending out an e-mail out to everybody stating you offered your help.

People who won't respect a no count on the fact that we are too afraid to make a fuss, too scared to stand our ground and that we will fold if they pretend not to hear our no. They count on the fact that we don't want to make them look foolish or ourselves bad. However it's not bad to do what is right for us. And if somebody in authority misuses that authority it's time to find another job or to complain to a higher up.

Boundary testing: not respecting valid reasons
Suppose that you are being asked to come to a family BBQ, but that day simply won't work for you. You have to work late, you are near the end of an important deadline and you are exhausted. So you are sad that you will miss it and you think that if you just explain why, your mother is going to understand.

Only instead of saying: "Too bad, hope to see you another time", she starts to test how firm your boundary is. She might tell you that you need to keep your family close, that your work life balance is rotten, that your little niece is so looking forward to seeing you etc. etc. Every argument or guilt trip makes you feel upset, but.. will it make you waver on your boundary, that your choice is to skip this event?

If we do let ourselves be guilt tripped or manipulated into choices that aren't right for us, we are teaching people that if they just test our boundaries, just push and push and push, we give in. So, stand your ground. Hang up, walk away or start repeating the same answer over and over (I'm not coming this time). If your no stays a no, the boundary testing will become less in time as people notice that you won't be persuaded into a yes.

Boundary testing: getting you to argue
Another hurtful way of testing your boundaries is to try to get you into a discussion or argument. Suppose you said you wouldn't do something and instead of accepting that the other person makes disparaging remarks about your character or the way you behaved.

You might feel obligated to defend yourself, your reasons and your decisions. They are hoping that they can make you relent, that they can find a chink in your armor and often also feel happy that they get you upset or worked up.

The best way to keep these boundary testers at bay is to let go of the need to have the last word. Just let them argue into thin air while you do what's right for you. You don't need their support, understanding or cooperation, so don't seek it.

Trouble keeping your boundaries strong or want to share a story? Post a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. Send me an e-mail or talk to me in the practice.

Dear People,

Often I have people in the practice who feel trapped after years of setting aside their wants and needs to help others or to do what they've been told 'they should be doing' to be a good person. They have lost touch with their own inner guidance and feel overwhelmed, overburdened and emotionless. Questions like: "What would you really want to do?" are impossible to answer for them. Discouraged they try to find an answer outside of themselves, but that doesn't give the best results. Even if you don't recognize yourself in this description the interview style exercise might still help you find out more about yourself.

Finding yourself interview style
Don't worry if you have trouble answering some of these questions, if you were doing a true interview, the person you were interviewing might have difficulties too. The purpose of an exercise like this is to get your thoughts and ideas flowing and to see if you can find common denominators in your answers. You might also find more questions within yourself based on these and answer those as well.

It can also help to do this interview with a trusted friend and help each other out. You can of course skip questions you don't like.

Background questions
What's your name?
What is your age?
What is your occupation?

Childhood
How would you describe your childhood?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
What is is your least favorite childhood memory?
What do you miss from your childhood?

Young Adulthood
What plans did you have as a teenager?
What dreams did you have as a teenager? 
What did you want to do do/become?
What mattered to you the most during those years?

Life
If your life was a book, what title would it have?
If your life was a movie, what genre would it be?
If your life was a song, what kind of emotion would it evoke?
If you could write sequels of your life, what would be in it?

Social
How would your friends describe you?
On what points do you agree with them?
On what points do you disagree with them?
What do your friends have in common with each other?
What do you appreciate in your friends?

Changes
If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
What have you done to make changes in that area of your life?
If you could change one thing in your past, what would it be?
What have you learned from that experience?
If you could change one thing in your family, what would it be?
If you could change one thing in your job, what would it be?
If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?

Additions
If you had more money, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you had more time, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you had more energy, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you have more hobby's, would you be happier? What kind of hobbies would they be?
If you had more friends, would you be happier? What kind of friends would they be?
If you could add one character trait, what would it be? How would that change your life?

Removals
If you could remove something from your life, what would it be?
If you could remove someone from your life, who would it be? Any more people you'd like to remove?
If you could remove character traits, what would you remove in yourself? In your spouse/father/mother/friends?

Want to talk about your answers? Post a message to the blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.

Dear People,

One of the things you might catch yourself saying often is that you will do a task "in just a moment", but that moment never comes. You are busy, you are tired, you think you can do it tomorrow, but that tomorrow never seems to come. For some of us, this is a question of us delaying doing what is necessary, but for others, it's incorrect time management. Today I'm talking about only the second, as I've wrote a blog post already to help with procrastination: Taking Care of Future You.

Why we always have too many tasks
We like to feel productive so it's usually very tempting to add more and more tasks to our day. To say yes to requests from others or any thing that pops in our mind that we want to do. Often, we underestimate the time it takes to do tasks. So when the end of the day nears, the end of our list of things we wanted to do, didn't. The next day, we are up against the same mountain of work and it's likely that we will add more onto it.

Adding a task
When we say things will 'just take a moment' it means we think we can easily add it, but all the little moments add up. And often, what we say just takes a moment, costs us much more then that. A small tasks we would do immediately after all.

If we only look carefully how much work a certain tasks is going to be, we'd get a healthier outlook. A lot of things aren't then automatically put in the: "will do in the weekend" or "will do later"-pile. It forces us to plan when we will do things, write them down (so we don't forget) and consider our work load.

It also means that we need to prioritize whenever we add a new task. If it doesn't fit (which will happen often), we have to choose what is most important to us.

Removing or combining tasks
When we have a set pattern, we often don't think about tasks that we do. It's normal to brush our teeth, make our breakfast, dress and shower. Still, there might be a little time we can win by combining old and new tasks or by removing tasks that no longer serve us.

Regularly check your time management to see if you need to remove habits/tasks. You might find yourself aimlessly on social media or watching tv, while you are dying to exercise more or watch a documentary to learn something new. Often we have time sink habits that don't really bring us anything.

Time management exercise
This exercise contains two distinct lists, but you can combine them in the same notebook. If you are stressed for time, usually the first list is no problem, but the second is more time intensive. However, even giving a general view instead of an hourly update on that list will help you see what you do with your time.

List 1: Keeping a task list
On this list, keep all the tasks you plan to do. Whenever you say: "I'll fix that, I do that in just a moment or sure, I'll help", add the task to the list. If a task is done, remove it from the list. Keeping this list helps you keep your promises and also helps you see how heavy your work load is. We are less likely to overextend ourselves, if we know that our schedule is stuffed already.

List 2: Keeping an activity list
Just for a week, try to write down what you do every hour or if you can manage even every half hour. This way you can see where your time actually goes. Keeping yourself accountable also means that it's more difficult to spend hours watching tv. You can also write down at which times you feel most productive.


Have a time management tip to share or want to get a better grip on your own habits? Post a message on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or write me an e-mail.

• Close your eyes
• Start by feeling loving energy within your heart
• Allow that energy to slowly encompass all of your body
• See how that energy goes and feeds upon each other until you have enough to fill the whole universe
• Go with your thoughts to the body parts you have trouble with and gently say: "I love my... "
• Spend some time soaking in all the loving energy
• Open your eyes
• Ground yourself or eat a snack

If you have trouble generating enough loving energy from your heart, you can also imagine loving energy from others reaching you in your heart chakra or universal love reaching you through your crown chakra and spread the love from there.

Want to work on boundary and body acceptance? Send me a comment through the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.

Dear People,

Every day time passes us by and often it feels like it flies by, so why not use it to help us heal?
Each season has important lessons to teach us if we look at nature and it's cycles. It's a bit harder I feel to use natural cycles as the weather is often not what we expect, so energy might feel different or shifted. However, the seasons will always keep coming and going.

Why work with the seasons
I personally love to have season themed decor in my house, so I can keep in line with the seasons and their energies. It's very easy to fall into only celebrating the new and never the old, only working on adding things and never remove things and only feeling accomplished at the end of something and while walking on the journey.

Working with the seasons helps me to achieve a better balance in my life. I've written a some small ideas on each of the seasons so you can do some work with them too.

Spring
Spring is all about the new entering your life and airing out what has gotten stuck from the previous year. Spring cleaning is literally cleaning up your space, but you can also use it clean up your energy field, visualize and meditate on new things you need and using spring energy to revitalize yourself.

If you need spring energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need a new beginning, use the colors of spring (light greens, light yellow etc.), the scents of spring (light floral scents) and spring symbols (little birds, bunnies, butterflies, flowers etc.).


Summer
Summer is a time of warmth, so extra energy is easier to get due to longer daylight hours and more sun energy. It's the time of year that gives us a social boost as we want to connect more and often chat longer. The perfect time to work on issues that you need more energy for, to work on unfinished business and to relax and recharge in the sun.

If you need summer energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need more energy, warmth or fun, use the colors of summer (darker yellow, blue, green colors and floral colors), the scents of summer (seaside scents, heavier flower scents like jasmine) and summer symbols (sun, cocktails, sunflowers, travel symbols etc.) 

Fall
Fall sees us often looking at things that are dying off and need to be released. It's a time for reflection and peace. It's that time that helps us remember that we are in a cycle, because the leaves are falling, but also rewards come due in the form of many fruits and vegetables. What rewards can we reap and what didn't do so well? An energy to use for reflection.

If you need fall energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need to taste the rewards or refocus on what works, use the colors of fall (orange, browns, yellows), the scents of fall (pumpkin, grape and other fall fruit) and fall symbols (falling leaves, pumpkins, wine etc.)

Winter
Winter is all about surviving the cold and the dark by being wise with your energy and keeping in line with your strength. If you always have difficult winter seasons (depression, colds etc.) make sure you stock up on extra sun in the summer or arrange a getaway during the winter season towards the sun. It's cold and darkness however also helps us to be grateful for light and for each other.

If you need winter energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need to learn to wait patiently or keep things going in the background, use the colors of winter (white, gold, silvers), the scents of winter (cinnamon, warmed spices, and food scents) and winter symbols (snow flakes, snow etc.)

Want to chat about your habits around the seasons? Post a comment on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.

Dear people,

Often we have well meaning people in our lives wishing to give us advice or to help us with what they perceive is our problem. While most people will understand our boundaries and respect them, not all people will. We don't want to start a fight, but also, we don't want to feel pushed or ignored. Today I'll talk about how to shut people down in a polite and mostly tactful way.

When you have made a decision - don't JADE
JADE which stands for Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain is something we often do when have made a decision. We want the other person to understand why, hoping this understanding fosters their cooperation or at least their acceptance.

However, when we are talking to somebody who has trouble respecting our boundaries, this just means that you give them ammunition to try to argue with you, convince you or feel that they are entitled to make your decision a mutual one. It keeps feeding into longer and longer discussions that leave us feeling exhausted and angry.

No is a complete sentence. If you feel that's too rude, "that won't work for me", or "that's not an option for me" is a wonderful substitute. If you have initiated the conversation saying: "That's non of your business" might be too rude for you, but "My decision has been made" is also a wonderful way to tell them it's over. If they keep going on and on, please feel completely justified in hanging up the phone or walking away. Boundary disrespect needs to have consequences or you will be fighting this battle all the time - win the war by escalating if people disrespect your boundaries.

Shutting down people who have can't empathize with you
Sometimes people don't understand our decisions and feel like they have the right to try to convince us to change our minds. I often find it's because they have trouble to empathize with our reasons, because they don't have similar experiences.

For example: if your mother was toxic and you cut her from your life and friend might say: "but she's your mother!" and feel the need to convince you to try to heal that relationship. It's because they are imagining themselves in your shoes but with their mother and not yours.

It's hopeless to get people to understand if they are unwilling to look beyond their own experiences. There are countless mothers who have grievously hurt their own children. You will find yourself getting back into the same hurtful discussions over and over. Shut them down for your sake.

So, politely shut them down with:
"I have heard your thoughts/feelings/ideas about this topic, but the discussion is closed"
"I'm confident I'm doing the right thing"
"This isn't up for discussion"
"It's my life and thus my choice"

Again, if the second boundary isn't respected, feel free to escalate to hanging up the phone, walking away or putting your friend in time out. 

Shutting down people who feel they deserve a second chance
Sometimes people are not right for each other. If we aren't, we will walk a road of pain in which we hurt each other (inadvertently or on purpose). When it's clear that it's time to say goodbye to such a relationship, often only one person sees this truth. This means one person will sometimes chase the other for a second chance.

You don't owe anybody a second chance to hurt you. If you clearly see that this person isn't good for you, this relationship isn't healthy or you are just unwilling to give them a second chance, that's fine. I repeat: You don't owe anybody a second chance to hurt you.

Shut them down hard by making sure they can't contact you anymore. Remove them from social media, don't reply to texts, block their phone calls and put their e-mails immediately into the trash or a special folder (for evidence purposes). There are no magical words or explanations that will work. Nobody deserves to be harassed. If this continues, please contact the authorities.

Shutting down people who are rude
I prefer to be tactful but sometimes people are just plain rude to you. They might give unsolicited advice or make nasty comments on your appearance, relationship, manners or whatever they feel needs correcting.

You can feel overwhelmed and angry when this happens and that makes is hard to have a snappy comeback. This is why I often have standard sentences to use so I can at least wrangle those out of my mouth.

Shut them down with:
"What a thing to say!"
"I can't believe you just said that"
"That's not your business"

Boundary Escalation 
If somebody repeatedly crossed a boundary, they are escalating by ignoring you, which means you can escalate by showing them that behavior isn't tolerated. Is that rude? Maybe a bit, but they are rude first.

Healthy escalation:

1. Subtle remark (not answering the questions, redirecting etc.)
2. Polite request (let's talk about something else etc.)
3. Explicit request (I don't want to talk about this)
4. Shutting down (this isn't up for discussion)
5. Cutting down contact (hanging up the phone, moving away, leaving)
6. Time out (You didn't respect my boundaries - I won't speak to you until I get an apology/I need some space, I'll contact you when I'm ready)

You have every right to protect your boundaries. Your healthy escalation might look different from mine, but if you are stuck on a number that isn't being respect (for example repeatedly ask politely), please move down your list for your own emotional and mental health.

Want more advice on shutting people down or share your own take down story? Post a comment on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me.

Dear People,

I've already wrote a bit about How I work with Crystals, but today I wanted to write a bit about the why and give you some ideas on how you can work with them yourself. Please don't think you need to spend a fortune on crystals to work with them. Take your time to see what works for you and don't hesitate to try to use other rocks or even pieces of wood for vibration work.

Why I work with Crystals
I have been attracted to crystals from a young age. While I don't really like to wear jewelry, somehow natural stones always would give me a warm fuzzy feeling. I also loved mineral clusters as they are very pretty. I can remember wearing tiger eye as a young child as one of my friends gifted it to me as a birth stone and to help with my asthma.

I still find stones one of the easiest ways to do intention work and vibration work with as they will retain a lot of energy, help with their own energy and are easy to use.


Picking the right Crystals
A lot of people will read up on what certain crystals do, but I believe in first picking with your heart, intuition and soul. Check out what crystal seems to call your name, see what makes you feel comfortable or happy and only after that pay attention to what other people have used that particular crystal for: it will very likely teach you something about yourself. Else you might select crystals that you think will work for you - when in fact they won't.

The opposite is also true: crystals that repulse you probably have something to teach you as well. Their energies might clash with yours, it might be something you can't accept yet or that you are afraid to let into your life.

Crystal Tips
Naturally, the easiest thing to do is to just wear your crystals.
However, there is a lot more you can do with them like:

• Place them in your water bottle (make sure they are non toxic) or near your water for a boost
• Place some in a bowl near your couch so you can touch them while you watch TV or talk with friends
• Place some in the hallway near your shoes
• Place some under your pillow or near your head while you sleep or under the bed
• Set some next to your work area to heal clear your head

Crystal Exercise: Making a Crystal Pouch or Grid
When you have an intention you want to work with or goal that you want to accomplish, it's fun to work with crystals. You can of course choose only one specific crystal, but you can also make a pouch or Grid and use combined crystal energies for more effect.

A pouch is meant to be worn, but if you feel uncomfortable wearing many crystals, making a grid is a good alternative. A Grid can be placed on any surface, but for maximum effect please place it somewhere you can see it often or can be near it.

Selecting your crystals for a pouch or grid is easy: follow your intuition, read up on crystal meanings and see what works for you. I recommend 5 crystals maximum in a pouch (else it isn't comfortable to wear) and as many as you can fit comfortably in your grid. I like to form geometric symbols with my grids, but you can use any formation that you want.

Once you have finished your pouch or grid, reiterate your intent or goal while holding your pouch or when you are near your grid. Repeat this at least once a week (but preferably daily) until you are satisfied with the results or want to make changes. Be sure to thank all energies that have helped you before emptying a pouch or when you reconfigure your grid.

Crystal Exercise: Chakra Balancing
I wrote an article about how to balance chakras using affirmations, but using crystals is also an easy and fast way to help balance yourself. I have a chakra Pouch featuring the 7 main chakra's with them etched on the crystals, but you can also select crystals that you feel fit your chakra's best.

One of my favorite ways to work with my pouch is to draw the stones to see what chakras need crystal aid the most. I link them to area's that I'm working on in my life so I can see what is going on and might need reconsidering.

Example:

I draw my 7 crystals as follows: 3rd Chakra, 7th Chakra, 5th Chakra, 4th Chakra, 6th Chakra, 2nd Chakra, 1st Chakra.

Right now, it feels like my will is weaker then usual, it's hard for me to keep myself motivated. I'm rechecking what needs to be done in my life and what's really important to me. Especially with the 7th Chakra as the second draw it's important I stay on my Soul's path and keep in touch with my Guidance. It's obviously also important to keep my own voice (5th) while staying in touch with my feelings (4th). However, there seems to be a good solid base with my intuition (6th), gut feeling (2nd) and stability (1st Chakra).

Want to share what you do with your crystals? Post a message on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice!

Dear People,

A lot of the time I talk with people about healing their birth families (which they were raised in) and their core families (that they build themselves). We all receive patterns from our birth family that we continue into our own core families. This why sometimes patterns become Ancestral problems, which each generation being out of balance. So, today I'm going to write about how to recognize these unhealthy patterns, forgive the generations above us and below us and heal them.

Recognizing unhealthy family patterns
If you look at the generations above you and below you what type of family story do you see emerge? Does everybody have a good job or are some people workaholics (unbalanced) or unmotivated (unbalanced in the other direction). How does your family deal with money? Are some people extremely stingy while others give away too freely? How about love? Are the relationships healthy or do you have many divorces or abusive relationships or people who refuse to start a relationship. How about self-esteem?

An unhealthy pattern doesn't mean that all family members do exactly the same thing. Like the questions above usually a few family members choose one extreme while the other family members choose another. To see the unhealthy pattern, to most common question should be: Does my family deal healthily with love, friendships, self-esteem, learning, money, health etc. and if not, which extreme patterns do I see?

What is the difference in healing a personal pattern vs a family pattern?
If there is a personal pattern and for example you are the only one in your family having self esteem issues, there is often personal trauma involved. You might have had a harsh teacher or been bullied at school.

If it's a family pattern the problem is often much more difficult to root out, because none of your family can help you build healthy self-esteem, because none of them have it. It often means that the problem becomes reinforced as your parents might teach you to work extra hard to prove yourself while pointing out other family members who 'amount to nothing' as they took the other extreme and decided not to play the rat-race game.


So when struggling with an unhealthy pattern that is difficult to heal, take some time to check how your family deals with it. A family pattern could have been caused by trauma to an ancestor high up, so it's hard to figure out what happened, but it can also have happened to your mother, father or grandparents so it might be easier to find out what the 'start trauma' was. It will bring you more understanding and forgiveness, but it's not necessary to find out the start trauma to heal it.

Exercise: Healing an unhealthy family pattern

• Write down in detail what you feel is the unhealthy pattern and what everybody's role is in it.
• Write down what you need to do to transform your role from unhealthy to healthy
• Imagine yourself transforming this in your life and your good example showing others in your family how to do this for themselves
• Sit with the light of transformation within you until you feel cleared and at peace.
• Ask for the light of your transformation to be moved through the generations above and below you
• Ask for transformation again if you feel you are backsliding into the pattern and make sure you move it through your whole family tree again

Want to talk about your family patterns? Post a comment on this blog, the Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.