Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
When we are struggling in our lives, it's quite easy to become needy and ask for a lot of help from others. Or to sink into despair because you can't seem to find a way out. Strangely enough, if there isn't much you can do for yourself, helping somebody out is a sure way to get in a better mood or even have the situation resolve itself completely.
I know a lot of people are quite surprised by this - but the good energy that gets created when you help out others - always helps out us as well. There are many things we can receive from helping others: satisfaction, feelings of accomplishments, happiness, joy, gratitude, gifts, but also inspiration or help with our own troubles. You might even hear yourself give advice that you need to take as well. Research has shown that altruistic behavior gives significant rewards, so if you feel stuck in your own life, put on your helping boots and you will see changes come to you soon.
We aren't always in the position where we can go and help out, the way we want. Sometimes we have constraints physically, mentally or emotionally, but time or monetary constraints also might mean we can't do all that we want. So that's why I wrote an exercise on how to help energetically, from your own home.
A good thing to remember is that we can always send energetic help. Be mindful about what your own ethical boundaries are. Some people feel free to send all kinds of help or even try to solve the situation, while others just sent light or energy, or ask heavenly helpers to send support.
Exercise: Helping out others energetically
- Make sure you have around 15-20 minutes undisturbed
- Take some time to get into a relaxed state of mind.
- Breathe in and out a couple of times
- Focus on the person you want to help
- Visualize the help you are sending or state your intention
- Allow the help to flow from Heaven towards you and then from you towards the person OR visualize the help flowing directly towards the other person
- Take some time to get back into your body
- Eat or drink something or do a grounding exercise
Want to talk about different types of energetic help or share a story? Post a comment on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.
Often we find ourselves torn between two different parts of ourselves. Maybe we feel like our heart is craving something else then our head is telling us, maybe it's the 'good girl' wanting to do one thing while the 'lazy bum' wants to do another. Often, we are split, which is causing great damage to our energy and well being.
Past splits, like decisions about staying or leaving a relationship, job or country, can still haunt us as well. You can notice this when you have regrets, resentment or pain that you know is rooted in a past decision.
Today I'm sharing an exercise designed to integrate both sides of yourself, by giving them what they need, so you can step into a new beginning. I've done this exercise with a group of people at the free healing evening in October and it was very well received. A lot of people noticed immediate feelings of peacefulness, but also recognized how stuck they have become into the conflict so the middle road was invisible to them.
Exercise Inner Conflict Integration
This exercise is designed to do with two people, however, if you want to do it on your own, you can stand in both roles for yourself. I highly recommend that you then choose a Deck, like my 100% Positivity Set, to receive the Gift necessary, instead of listening to your own intuition. It's very hard to heal your own conflict so getting some extra help is recommended.
Role A: Conflicted Person
Role B: Helping Hand
A identifies the conflict and discusses it with B (or if you are doing this on your own, you discuss this situation out loud).
First, A, energetically enters one side of the conflict by taking a step to the left, sharing the thoughts, feelings, or behavior that comes with this part. You can feel the influence this side has on your energy by the feelings in your physical body, energy body or shifts in your emotional and mental state. Discuss this out loud.
B, asks God, your higher Self, Angels or anyone else to come and help out, but you can also help A from a higher Self perspective, your own experiences or by drawing a Card. First absorb the energy for yourself before you bring it to A. Name what you are bringing and step into the conflicted side to bring this new energy, gift or advice into this side.
Stay together for a moment and let the energy flow until you feel that it is ready.
A steps over the "middle point", to the right, the other side of the conflict. B moves to the opposite position so you are facing each other again.
A shares the thoughts, feelings and behavior that belongs to this conflict side. Take the time again to really feel what this side of the conflict is doing to you, what it needs or what part of you is invested in it.
B, this time brings the gift to side 2, to bring peace and love there. Again, first name the gift, accept it for yourself before bringing it to A.
Just stand quietly together and let the energy flow until it feels ready.
A then steps back to the middle, the starting point of the exercise. B can stand by A or just behind A. A makes a conscious decision to take a step forward to end the conflict and integrate both gifts into a new beginning. When creating this new beginning, you can find insights, inspiration or changes in your behavior.
Want to work on your own inner conflict or share a story on how this exercise has helped you? Leave a message on the blog, the Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.
Dear people,
Often we find ourselves struggling with difficult patterns that we can also see repeated in our own family. We might even reinforce them by saying: "Oh, we are all "insert problematic behavior", which means that it becomes even harder to free ourselves. Family wounds can travel throughout generations, in changes of behavior, outlook, thought patterns and health issues. We can however, become trailblazers and free ourselves and our family. We can say: "It stops here" and not burden ourselves and younger generations with old pain, heartbreak or traps.
Remember that often, unhealthy family patterns have two unbalanced sides. So when there is a family pattern around sex, some family members have too much of it/history of assaults while others have too little. When there is an unhealthy pattern around money, some people are spending recklessly while others are super stingy. It's rare to see a balanced pattern, because we feel deep loyalty sometimes to continue the pattern.
Time to free your family and yourself with this excellent exercise.
Often we find ourselves struggling with difficult patterns that we can also see repeated in our own family. We might even reinforce them by saying: "Oh, we are all "insert problematic behavior", which means that it becomes even harder to free ourselves. Family wounds can travel throughout generations, in changes of behavior, outlook, thought patterns and health issues. We can however, become trailblazers and free ourselves and our family. We can say: "It stops here" and not burden ourselves and younger generations with old pain, heartbreak or traps.
Remember that often, unhealthy family patterns have two unbalanced sides. So when there is a family pattern around sex, some family members have too much of it/history of assaults while others have too little. When there is an unhealthy pattern around money, some people are spending recklessly while others are super stingy. It's rare to see a balanced pattern, because we feel deep loyalty sometimes to continue the pattern.
Time to free your family and yourself with this excellent exercise.
Family Freedom Exercise
Take around 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time to do this exercise. All you need is pen and paper, but a set of cards with positive gifts can also help.
Question 1: Which family pattern do you see?
Could be anything that you want to work on, ranging from health issues, to issues around relationships, money, assertiveness etc.
Could be anything that you want to work on, ranging from health issues, to issues around relationships, money, assertiveness etc.
Question 2a: What is the first unbalanced side
What has made you believe that this is a problem, what type of hurt, wounds or pain do you see surrounding this pattern.
Question 2b: What is the second unbalanced side
Question 2b: What is the second unbalanced side
What is the second unbalanced side, that moves in the direct opposite of what is going on, but is still problematic.
Question 3a: Who in the living family has it/which side or both of it?
This helps you check how many generations are burdened by this and if it's your mothers side of the family, your fathers side of the family or both.
Question 3b: How many generations has this been going on?
You might know through stories of your grandparents or other family how long this pattern has been going on. If you don't know, you can ask intuitively. Don't be surprised if you reach high numbers like 5-6 generations back or even longer.
Question 3b: How many generations has this been going on?
You might know through stories of your grandparents or other family how long this pattern has been going on. If you don't know, you can ask intuitively. Don't be surprised if you reach high numbers like 5-6 generations back or even longer.
Question 4: What is the balanced pattern?
Since you know both sides of the extreme, it's important to recognize what the balanced healthy way would be. You might recognize it in others around you, who don't have this family pattern or you might ask intuitively what is the right and healthy way.
Question 5: What times/moments has this pattern harmed you, that you need to let go of
Since this pattern has been active in your life, you might remember several examples that you have felt the harm. I recommend you write down a short summary or create just the title for the moments that have been meaningful.
Healing the first break
Intuitively ask what happened at the first ancestor who has brought this pattern into being. Was it a man or a woman? What was going on there, what heart break or pain occurred that they moved into this unhealthy pattern? What was the actual lesson and what is the gift?
Embrace the gift and surround your ancestor with love. You can ask for help from your guides, heaven or other spiritual helpers to achieve this.
Healing the family
Instead of the wound, imagine the gift moving from your ancestor throughout your family, going down generations, but also sideways (so also uncles/aunts/cousins etc), receiving this blessing, until it reaches you. Have it passed down from your conception all the way through your current age and see how it heals the moments that you have described in question 5. Pass it on to next generations if those are existing.
Since this pattern has been active in your life, you might remember several examples that you have felt the harm. I recommend you write down a short summary or create just the title for the moments that have been meaningful.
Healing the first break
Intuitively ask what happened at the first ancestor who has brought this pattern into being. Was it a man or a woman? What was going on there, what heart break or pain occurred that they moved into this unhealthy pattern? What was the actual lesson and what is the gift?
Embrace the gift and surround your ancestor with love. You can ask for help from your guides, heaven or other spiritual helpers to achieve this.
Healing the family
Instead of the wound, imagine the gift moving from your ancestor throughout your family, going down generations, but also sideways (so also uncles/aunts/cousins etc), receiving this blessing, until it reaches you. Have it passed down from your conception all the way through your current age and see how it heals the moments that you have described in question 5. Pass it on to next generations if those are existing.
Creating the right narrative
Now that this pattern is healed, create a small story of 2-3 lines that affirms that you are now a family of "insert healthy behavior". You will be surprised to see that lives will start shifting around you, as well as your own.
Want to talk to me about family patterns or want a little help to heal your family? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.
Now that this pattern is healed, create a small story of 2-3 lines that affirms that you are now a family of "insert healthy behavior". You will be surprised to see that lives will start shifting around you, as well as your own.
Want to talk to me about family patterns or want a little help to heal your family? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.
Letting go continues to be a big topic in my own life, but also in the life of clients. Often they come to me because they are stuck in a rut, stuck in old pain or stuck in other ways. Letting go is supposed to be the most natural thing. Moving forward into your journey, you can't hold on to everything. And when your hands are full with the old, you can't accept the new.
Even so, it's often a struggle for people to let go and moving forward from the ways of the old, towards the new beginning is a natural process that sometimes needs an easier transition. So I'm writing down some exercises to make it easier for people to let go.
Letting go of old items
When we keep the old in our lives, our houses, cars and workplaces will overflow with things. A cluttered life drags us down, but even so, it can be really hard to let go of things. I prefer to ask myself the following three questions about letting go:
- Do I need to pass it on towards somebody else who will love it, like I used to love it? (Think selling, gifting or donating it)
- Do I need to acknowledge that it's broken, it's service to me has passed and it needs to be released? If so, I usually honor it by speaking gratefully or I sometimes make a photo to commemorate something.
- Do I need to be honest that this item, that I bought for a purpose didn't get that purpose realized and that I have changed and grown since then? It's hard to realize that that instrument you bought or that hobby you did isn't something you want to invest time in anymore. It's good to mourn that dream, realize it's no longer yours and move towards selling, gifting or donating it.
Sometimes people have passed from our lives and yet we still think of them or miss them. It might be impossible to get them back (passed away) or a bad idea (toxic relationships). Often we miss part of them, that beautiful part, that we can't let go. However, the more we hold on, the less likely we are to build fulfilling bonds with others.
A simple exercise to letting go of bonds is the following:
- Send gratitude and love towards the other person for being in your life for the time that they were
- Acknowledge that letting go is in the best interest of both parties. If you still feel rejection, loss or heartbreak, acknowledge that they have the right to surround themselves with people that they feel right in and that you are not it. Free them to be their best selves, so you can be your best self. Ask for the lesson
- Acknowledge the space they leave - a new place is born for somebody else. Even though this lack might feel uncomfortable, in time, a better deeper healthier and lovelier bond will grow
We all pick up identities as we grow through life. Common one's are student, child and work titles, but identities can also be centered around hobby's like soccer player or guitarist. We need to shed these identities sometimes as we naturally transition into someone else. When we don't shed them, we will continue to behave as an old identity or feel trapped within ourselves, instead of free to discover who we are and free to stand in our truth.
We only identify that strongly with something because it has held our love, our energy and our attention. Still, willingly or unwillingly, we move out of identities as well. So it's natural to mourn a little at a transition, while at the same time being excited and happy for the new.
If we didn't transition naturally, you will find that you either hoard old stuff connected to the identity or you hide them all away, because the loss is painful.
A loving exercise to transition into the truth of you is the following:
- Acknowledge transitions that you have gone through like child, teenager, adult and how each stage brought you joys and gifts. You might also have transitions like student/worker or single/committed relationship.
- Look gently at the identities that you haven't let go off and that you know you should. Recognize that if you move into the truth, you will receive the joys of the new stage(s). Love yourself where you are at.
- If you feel like it's too sad to acknowledge the transition, ask Heaven, your Guide or Higher Self what the gift is for you. Give it to yourself with love.
- Your transition is complete if you can look with love and gratitude upon the old identity and with joy and excitement onto the new (undiscovered) one.
Dear People,
I meet a lot of people in my practice who are deeply sensitive and emphatic. Being emphatic is a lovely trait and it can really uplift your life. It’s easy for you to be spread love, connect to others and deepen wisdom. On the other end Empathic people often fall in the trap of dismissing their own feelings, wants, needs and desires.
When you are empathic on a deep level, emotions of other people will be felt deeply as well. If your energy field is strong, you will not receive the emotional energy of others. If it’s weakened by lack of self-care, illness or other reasons, you might notice yourself starting to cry even when you aren’t that sad, stay angry or frustrated and not knowing way and feeling this emotional energy of others.
I help people strengthen their field, because while it’s lovely to be empathic, we should not be sponges and suck up all emotional energy. It’s not ours and it will deplete your own energy, make you feel tired or have you thinking that you have really mercurial moods.
Emphatic people should be able to look into the pool and see what’s going on emotionally, without falling into it and drowning in emotion. I teach different techniques to help recognize which emotions are ours, how to release other people’s emotions and how to make sure you aren’t drowning.
However, sometimes empathic people will choose to ignore their own feelings in favor of other people’s feelings. Somebody might make a request of them and they feel the desire, pain or loss, and want to step up and fulfil this request, regardless of the costs. While you can’t reduce the strength of emotions of what the other person gives out, we can choose to reduce ours. If we do so, it’s often because we repress or dismiss our own emotions.
This type of sacrifice of ourselves diminishes us and it will cause much more problems down the road. Sacrifice means that it looks like things are going better, because the other person is happy, but there is no net gain. What the other person gains, we lose (else it wouldn’t be a sacrifice!). On top of that, our resentment and anger and having to sacrifice will come back to the surface one way or another. That means that even this temporary gain will most likely end up in a loss.
Empathic people often feel taken advantage off, but when we look honestly, it’s us that choose to ignore ourselves. So what to do about it? When you are mindful of what happens when you do this, it becomes easier to stop doing it. When you recognize the idea: “Another persons emergency isn’t always mine”, it helps to keep some emotional distance. When you remember that it might feel very dire, but that doesn’t mean it actually is.
If you still have a choice to see what needs to be done or are considering doing something, this following exercise is a good way to stay with yourself and out of sacrifice.
Exercise Acknowledge all Feelings
I meet a lot of people in my practice who are deeply sensitive and emphatic. Being emphatic is a lovely trait and it can really uplift your life. It’s easy for you to be spread love, connect to others and deepen wisdom. On the other end Empathic people often fall in the trap of dismissing their own feelings, wants, needs and desires.
When you are empathic on a deep level, emotions of other people will be felt deeply as well. If your energy field is strong, you will not receive the emotional energy of others. If it’s weakened by lack of self-care, illness or other reasons, you might notice yourself starting to cry even when you aren’t that sad, stay angry or frustrated and not knowing way and feeling this emotional energy of others.
I help people strengthen their field, because while it’s lovely to be empathic, we should not be sponges and suck up all emotional energy. It’s not ours and it will deplete your own energy, make you feel tired or have you thinking that you have really mercurial moods.
Emphatic people should be able to look into the pool and see what’s going on emotionally, without falling into it and drowning in emotion. I teach different techniques to help recognize which emotions are ours, how to release other people’s emotions and how to make sure you aren’t drowning.
However, sometimes empathic people will choose to ignore their own feelings in favor of other people’s feelings. Somebody might make a request of them and they feel the desire, pain or loss, and want to step up and fulfil this request, regardless of the costs. While you can’t reduce the strength of emotions of what the other person gives out, we can choose to reduce ours. If we do so, it’s often because we repress or dismiss our own emotions.
This type of sacrifice of ourselves diminishes us and it will cause much more problems down the road. Sacrifice means that it looks like things are going better, because the other person is happy, but there is no net gain. What the other person gains, we lose (else it wouldn’t be a sacrifice!). On top of that, our resentment and anger and having to sacrifice will come back to the surface one way or another. That means that even this temporary gain will most likely end up in a loss.
Empathic people often feel taken advantage off, but when we look honestly, it’s us that choose to ignore ourselves. So what to do about it? When you are mindful of what happens when you do this, it becomes easier to stop doing it. When you recognize the idea: “Another persons emergency isn’t always mine”, it helps to keep some emotional distance. When you remember that it might feel very dire, but that doesn’t mean it actually is.
If you still have a choice to see what needs to be done or are considering doing something, this following exercise is a good way to stay with yourself and out of sacrifice.
Exercise Acknowledge all Feelings
- Take two sheets and a pen and make sure you have around 15 minutes uninterrupted time.
- On the first sheet, write down all the feelings of the other person involved in the situation. Write down the emotions as big as you feel them, so PAIN might be capitalized or written on half the page.
- On the second sheet, start writing down your own emotions, also writing them down as big as you feel them.
You might notice that it’s much easier to write down the emotions of the other person, if this is the case, that means that much of your energy is direct at or even in the other persons energy field. That’s not the way it should be, so ask Heaven, your Guides, your High Self or any other Spiritual ally to bring back your energy to yourself.
Now that your energy is with yourself where it belongs, look over your own sheet. Place a hand on the sheet and the other hand on your heart. Acknowledge each of the feelings that are written down. You can literally say: “I acknowledge my sadness” or just name the feelings. As you name them bit by bit, you might feel that some of them transform. When we spend time with our feelings we recognise their messages and then we can easily let them go. You might recognise why you feel these feelings particular or how this situation reminds you of the past.
After you have acknowledged your feelings, gently release the paper in the way you see fit. You might want to burn it, recycle it, tear it into pieces. Do the same with the other sheet. The way forwards should be clear now, but if not, ask your Spiritual ally to resolve this situation towards everybody’s highest good. Be mindful of what your intuition tells you in the next couple of days.
Want to chat about your empathic gifts or ask for advice? Don't hesitate to post it in
a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share
your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.
A lot of people have experience with enjoying the Flow, that time when you feel strong healthy and vibrant and everything is just flowing like it should. Your focus is happy and in the moment and things just seamlessly fall into place. As a Psychic I don't only work with that type of Flow, but also with different types of energies that I also call flow. Today I'm writing to you how I do that and give you two exercises to try for yourself.
Flow of your life
Just as everybody else I always have projects, wants and needs in my life. I'm typically a planner so I like to see what I would like to do and what my goals are going to be. That allows me to be mindful, review and reflect on where my energy is going and what I'm doing with it. The more in tune I am with myself, the easier it is to be flexible, joyful and redirect what doesn't work for me.
However, I also check up on the flow of how my life is going.
Questions I often ask myself are:
- Am I doing things in the right order?
- Am I getting signals I should change course?
- Am I getting signals I'm overlooking something?
For some people that can mean I suddenly 'choose to drop a subject', while for me there are obvious signals that things aren't right. I like to tell people that if you want pears, you can stand under the pear tree and shake the tree, but any pears that fall down are unripe, so it's better to wait until they are ready to let go.
Often I check the energy of the day, week or month and see what I can best do with it. It's sometimes pretty hard to let go of a project that I care about for a while, but it always turns out for the better. It's important to me that things are the 'right fit' and not just the first option or first chance.
A good example of this was when my husband was getting offers for the sale of his home. Naturally this process is very stressful, but I kept telling him the right person just hadn't showed up yet. He felt very anxious waiting, but in the end we have accepted the offer of the third person interested. It has been a blessing in so many ways, so he is now convinced that this is important.
Meeting the flow of your life is an important way to find yourself in the Flow regularly. It helps you feel what is right for you at the moment, releases you from obligation that don't work and helps you to stay flexible.
Exercise to check the flow of your life
- Make a list of what projects you feel are important
- Rank them in the order you think they should be done
- Ask Spirit/The Universe/God/your intuition to rank them in which order they should flow into your life.
- If you have trouble with the previous step, simple use a random number generator to rank them or write them down on separate cards, shuffle and draw the order
- What in the new order is surprising? Does it bring you any new knowledge or insights?
Flow of your body
Noticing the flow of your body - where are you at ease, where are you keeping tension, where are you looking for sustenance or for relaxation - immediately helps improve your life. A lot of people who do productivity work will try to find out at which times they are most productive and use that knowledge to optimize their schedules. There are also many books on how movement, body posture etc. can help us feel more relaxed, stronger, more motivated etc.
There are many ways to notice and work with the flow of your body and work with the energy you have or even raise it, instead of going against the flow and exhausting yourself. After you noticed what you need for your body, don't hesitate to give it to yourself.
Exercise to feel the flow of your body
- Make sure you aren't disturbed for 5-10 minutes
- Close your eyes
- Breath in and out in a relaxed fashion, slowing down your breath
- Give each of your body parts attention, starting from the feet up towards the top of your head
- Listen to each part and notice if it holds tension
- Feel how tired/thirsty/hungry your body is
- Feel the mood of your body, is it angry, relaxed, happy, joyful or....
- Do you notice any blockages?
- If you have a gift to give your body - what would it be?
- Slowly open your eyes
- Enjoy a bit of water, tea or something else to drink
A small list of what you might need could be:
- Give yourself enough sleep
- Give yourself enough food
- Give yourself enough relaxation
- Do some yoga
- Take a walk
- Do some other exercise
- Take a break
- Take a holiday
My favorite ways of body flow are getting regular massages (keeps me very well connected and grounded in where I hold tension) and jumping on my trampoline whenever I get annoyed with paperwork.
Want to share an intuitive story? Post a comment on the blog, LinkedIN, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me by e-mail or in the practice!
I talked about the importance of grounding, to make sure you stay connected to your body and the now, but today I want to speak about cleansing. There are many situations where I recommend cleansing yourself. Today I'd be speaking about these situations and give you many ways to cleanse yourself. If you haven't done it before, a mindful cleansing ritual might give you that energy boost you've been waiting on.
When is cleansing necessary?
I would say cleansing is necessary when you feel that you need to do so. Some people have regular cleansing rituals, while others just connect with their own energy field to see when it's necessary. I regularly recommend cleansing to clients if I notice the energy field being weak or overwhelmed.
If you don't have time to check in with me or don't feel confident checking your own energy field, you can check the underlying list and see if you'd fit any of these situations:
- Your energy field is weak and you have picked up emotions/energy from others
- When you have been sick
- When you notice yourself being in moods/low energy/small complaints that don't seem to end
- When you have been very upset and it feels like you can't let go/move on
- When you went through a shocking situation
- When you've been in contact with toxic substances, toxic situations or toxic people
- When you want to take a new step and feel some of the old is still within you
Why would you cleanse?
When your energy field is strong it will process all your emotions, your energy and energy you pick up from outside sources (human, animal or objects) easily and fast. Sometimes things happen (see the list above) and your energy field becomes overwhelmed and then it's a matter of time before problems start occurring on the physical, emotional and mental planes.
Usually the energy field will balance and heal itself when you take actions that automatically help your field, but sometimes those aren't enough and a cleanse is the perfect way to boost yourself.
How can you cleanse?
There are many different ways to cleanse, so pick from the list what you like to see what kind of results you have. Generally cleansing works best when it's something that encourages your energy field to flow naturally (so a flow of water is better then sitting water), it's a way to tune into higher energy vibrations (access them with mantra's or intent) or it's a way to process energy faster (releasing through journalling or EFT)
Here is a list of things that you can try:
- Take a show
- Stream cold water past your arms/hands
- Stroking movements down your arms/legs
- Yoga
- Swimming
- Intent
- Affirmations
- Meditation/Visualisation
- Singing Bowls
- Drumming
- Mantra's
- Crystals (Selenite especially)
- Forest Bathing
- Journalling
- EFT
Want to share your own cleansing techniques or talk to me about cleansing? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your cleansing stories by e-mail or talk to me in the practice.
The year has already started for a full week and have finished my first day of work, but I'm still sitting down to write to about what people have asked me in the lead up to the new year and this past week. As somebody who loves doing reviews and reflections, making resolutions and being in tune with my life - I loved these questions.
What did you most love in 2018?
No question about it: getting married is definitely the highlight of my past year. Other highlights include moving towards my new office space (with a lot of natural light, plants, a lovely wooden floor and a petrol colored wall), helping with a lot of activities and even hosting them (GeluksRoute Delft 2018, Strip der Ontmoeting, Open Coffee) and some wonderful stories of healing in my practice (a beautiful baby was born).
What are you planning for 2019
2018 was my year of Connection, I made a lot of new connections which have filled me with gratitude and love, I have felt like the year was a bit of a big party as well with my marriage, but 2019 has a completely different vibe for me.
2019's theme is Truth, as I'm integrating a lot of work I have done in the past 10 years and finding out what works for me and what does not. I always prefer to start new things, new projects and meet new people, but now it's time to work some with the old. I also feel like it's more time to work on my own, instead of in groups.
So, I'm planning on finally writing my book(s), getting all the knowledge concentrated and hopefully out there for a wider audience. I'm also seeing which of my old projects need more attention and which I will have to let go. I always caution people to see what they want to do less off, but since I have a lot of energy and a lot of people seeking my support, it's time I take a taste of my own medicine.
How do you choose your theme's for the Year?
I usually listen intently to the vibe of the new year, but also always do a year Reading, so I can see where to best employ my talents and energy in the year to come. I always offer this to my clients too. It helps a lot to know a bit of what you can expect, but also to see where things are most likely to happen or what kind of effect they have in your life.
Last year in 2018, it was quite clear, that I was getting married, as a Major Arcana card that has to do with commitment/marriage was in the August position, but funnily the second outside influences card showed Tropical Rain Forest Energy. Originally we discussed having our honeymoon in September, as August is high season and often quite expensive. When getting this card, I told my now husband that it was likely we would do Hawaii in August and it wasn't a surprise when a good deal showed up and we managed to book a cruise for the 25th.
Do you make New Year's Resolutions?
I always make those, tempered by what kind of year I expect, and I love setting time aside to see what my goals, wishes and dreams are for the year. During the year I have time where I review the steps I'm making in getting these things done and if the resolution still matches what I want. I'm big on keeping myself accountable, but also about being understanding about seeing priorities shift.
Do you have a good recommendation for me in 2019?
This year I decided to end the year and brainstorm about the new one with the Year Compass a free booklet that asks questions and helps you sort through your year. I highly recommend it, it was a lot of fun to walk through my year again and to see what I value most out of it. It's free and available in several languages.
All the best for 2019,
Rianne Collignon
Dear People,
Often we have troubles looking clearly at our own actions in the past. We can be overcome by shame, fear or guilt when we relive what we have done. We might get angry at the state of our lives or jealous at others. So we shy away from our truth and our past, missing important clues on how to make or now and our future better.
So today I've written a little bit about the healing power of self reflection and an exercise to try at home.
Self Reflection
As a tool, self reflection helps us by showing us what is working and isn't working in our lives. When we try something, we never know what kind of results we get, until the end. Then we have to live with the consequences. When we use self reflection, we are powerless to change what has happened, but we are empowered by hindsight and experience.
I like to reflect on how the main three things first: time, energy and attention. I like to see how I used my time during the day, week or month. That allows me to see what I'm doing with my life. Sometimes I might get mired in spending time on things that don't matter much to me (pointless reading, long phone calls etc.) instead of working towards my goals and enjoying my life.
I also check how my energy levels where. Seeing where they dip, allows me to see what isn't working or where I need more support. Or, just relax and deal with the fact that I got the flu or are a little below the weather. I check if my energy is with me or if I'm giving it to others, trying to help them in a self sacrificing or sabotaging way. Seeing where my energy grows and multiplies, tells me what I need to have more off in my life.
I also see what has held my attention; did I work towards my goals? Was I distracted with other things going on in my life? Did I got stuck in negativity or did I move towards problem solving? Was I able to trust or not? What holds our attention grows and we often spend time and energy on that which holds our attention.
Exercise
Make sure you have around 10-25 minutes in which you can work uninterrupted and have a pen and paper ready. If during this exercise you notice that you are creating judgements, fear, shame or guilt, take some time to release those.
Question 1: What went well this (week/month/year) ?
Sub-question: Why?
Question 2: What didn't go well ? What are you disgruntled/angry/dissatisfied about?
Sub-question: Why not? What would have been better to do?
Question 3: What plans/decisions are you going implement in the next (week/month/year) ?
Example:
What went well this week?
Eating healthier food.
Why?
It went well because I made sure I had some good snacks to take with me or easily grab. I made time to make some good juices to help pick me up. I planned healthier dinners and was energetic enough to fix them. I saw some good results on the scale and that motivated me to stay on course.
What didn't went well?
Fixing some administration. I still have to finish it.
Why not?
I'm bored, I don't like doing it and it's a lot of work. I preferred doing other things and distracted myself with other tasks. It would have been better to plan a time/date and sit my ass down to finish it.
What am I going to implement?
I need some extra motivation, so I'm going to reward myself when this administration is finished. I will plan a time/date that works so I can have 2 uninterrupted hours and fix it. I am going to continue with the healthy dinners.
Possible problems in judgements/fears/shame/guilt:
- I should have done it already => I can't go back in time
- I am lazy => I choose to finish this and increase my discipline and motivation
- I am dumb => I choose to find help so I can finish this
- Well, that went well, let's not think on it => I choose to learn from my experiences
- I am afraid I can't do this => Let's find out how far I come/Let's try
Want to use self reflection regularly to make better choices? Start journalling, start a bullet journal or use an App. Want help with self reflection in a healthy manner or share your journey? Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook, e-mail me or ask me in the practice.
Dear People,
Often in our lives we experience pain. Pain can exist on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual. Some anguish can be so difficult that it feels like our soul is dying or we are. A lot of people try to suppress, evade or even ignore pain, but in the end all pain serves a purpose. Today I'm writing about some of these purposes so you can choose to learn the lesson and let go of your pain. I also included an exercise because letting go of pain helps us immediately gain more energy, happiness and peace.
Pain as a warning
Even children sometimes learn the lesson of pain the best by experiencing it as a warning. You can tell them a 100 times not to touch because it's hot, but once touched, they often learn immediately not to do it again. Adults also still learn in this way - sometimes we get warnings that something or someone is bad for us, but we move forward anyway. We need to get burnt to make sure we take ourselves, our intuition and our warnings seriously.
The resulting pain is a potent reminder for us that what we are doing isn't right and that we need to change course. It reminds us to trust our instincts, intuition or the friends who warned us. The remembrance of this pain will help us make much better decisions, but keeping the pain alive to punish ourselves or to stay in victim mode is unhealthy.
Pain as a lesson in what matters
Sometimes we don't know how much we appreciate something or someone until it's gone. Losing out is deeply hurtful. When our expectations aren't met we recognize how much they mattered to us. It might mean that we really want to be treated with respect or that we want somebody to be our friend or approve of us.
While of course we aren't happy, this pain gives us important information on what matters to us most. What we should spend time, energy and attention on. Jealousy or envy is also a pain that shows us what matters; after all, when we want what others have, it shows us what matters to us.
Pain as a trigger of change
One of the most annoying pains is the one of guilt or resentment. On one hand we have done something we aren't proud of (so we feel guilty) in the other we feel the other person hasn't done their part (we feel resentment). These types of pain can be a trigger of change in the behavior in ourselves.
We will most likely choose to treat another person with more respect or kindness next time we encounter a similar situation, because nobody likes the sting of guilt. We also might choose not to move into sacrifice or communicate clearly with others so we don't feel resentment.
Exercise: Processing Pain
Set aside at least 15-20 minutes to do this exercise. You might also like some alone time after this, to settle yourself. If you know you have problems accessing your emotions, you can use a crystal, music or other aids to help you access a safe space.
- Breathe deeply in and out a few times
- Say aloud: "I am in pain" 2-3 times to access the pain that's been bothering you
- Place one hand on the place where you feel this pain
- If possible, place the other hand on a place of strength (solar plexus Chakra, heart Chakra, outside item)
- Say aloud: "I choose to know the purpose of my pain"
- If the pain lessens, place the strength hand on your Crown Chakra and listen
- If the pain doesn't lessen, move back to the previous place of just feeling your pain or ask that your pain might be lifted/processed
- Once you have heard the purpose, it's time to completely let go of the pain
- Say aloud: "I chose to let go of this pain or I free myself of this pain"
- You can symbolically cleanse yourself, move the pain towards a Guide, Angels, The Universe, God or any other source of good.
- Sit quietly until you feel at peace
Dear People,
It's no secret that a lot of us have problems letting go. Yet holding on to things, people or patterns that don't suit us anymore is a negative influence in our life. Mostly when letting go we focus on that negativity to 'convince' ourselves or we try to force ourselves to move on. Today I'm going to talk about a positive way to let go; through gratefulness.
Gratefulness in Letting go of things
The easiest way to let gratefulness in is if you want to let go of something that has served you for a long time, but isn't right for you any more. Maybe it's that favorite dress that you really should throw out or it's that necklace that you loved as a young teen but doesn't fit your style anymore. Or that hobby you used to love, but now don't really feel that connected too anymore.
If we would keep all the things that we feel sentimental about, our homes would overflow fast. Yes, it can be hard to let go of things, but by practicing gratefulness we can let go of them easier. If you still feel you can't let go of it after this exercise, you can also consider taking a photo or keep a small part as a memento.
Exercise
- Hold on to the thing you want to let go of
- You can touch, smell, hug the item while doing this exercise
- Replay in your mind all the beautiful memories you have with this item
- Sit quietly for a while with this item
- Thank this item for the role it has played in your life
- Put this item gently way - maybe in a pile to donate or to throw out
- Take a deep breath and say I release this item in gratitude
Sometimes it's very hard to go of our negativity. We stay angry, we keep being in a tantrum because of 'unfairness' or we keep getting stuck in the same pattern that has negative consequences for us. It's pretty hard to let go of this as most of us just want the other person or the situation to change.
Since we have no control over that but we can deal with our own feelings, the healthy solution is to do that and let go. Letting go again, can be done on focusing on the emotions surrounding the situation, but we can also use our soul knowledge to learn the lesson and move on.
Exercise
- Ask your soul wisdom to shine a light on the situation
- Gently breath in and out
- Put your thoughts towards the situation
- Ask gently: "What is my lesson in this?"
- Listen to the answer and allow it's positive nature to help you grow
- Thank this situation for the role it played in your life
- Take a deep breath and say I release this situation in gratitude
Want to share your letting go story? Post a message to the blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.
Dear People,
Often I have people in the practice who feel trapped after years of setting aside their wants and needs to help others or to do what they've been told 'they should be doing' to be a good person. They have lost touch with their own inner guidance and feel overwhelmed, overburdened and emotionless. Questions like: "What would you really want to do?" are impossible to answer for them. Discouraged they try to find an answer outside of themselves, but that doesn't give the best results. Even if you don't recognize yourself in this description the interview style exercise might still help you find out more about yourself.
Finding yourself interview style
Don't worry if you have trouble answering some of these questions, if you were doing a true interview, the person you were interviewing might have difficulties too. The purpose of an exercise like this is to get your thoughts and ideas flowing and to see if you can find common denominators in your answers. You might also find more questions within yourself based on these and answer those as well.
It can also help to do this interview with a trusted friend and help each other out. You can of course skip questions you don't like.
Background questions
What's your name?
What is your age?
What is your occupation?
Childhood
How would you describe your childhood?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
What is is your least favorite childhood memory?
What do you miss from your childhood?
Young Adulthood
What plans did you have as a teenager?
What dreams did you have as a teenager?
What did you want to do do/become?
What mattered to you the most during those years?
Life
If your life was a book, what title would it have?
If your life was a movie, what genre would it be?
If your life was a song, what kind of emotion would it evoke?
If you could write sequels of your life, what would be in it?
Social
How would your friends describe you?
On what points do you agree with them?
On what points do you disagree with them?
What do your friends have in common with each other?
What do you appreciate in your friends?
Changes
If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
What have you done to make changes in that area of your life?
If you could change one thing in your past, what would it be?
What have you learned from that experience?
If you could change one thing in your family, what would it be?
If you could change one thing in your job, what would it be?
If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?
Additions
If you had more money, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you had more time, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you had more energy, would you be happier? What would you spend it on?
If you have more hobby's, would you be happier? What kind of hobbies would they be?
If you had more friends, would you be happier? What kind of friends would they be?
If you could add one character trait, what would it be? How would that change your life?
Removals
If you could remove something from your life, what would it be?
If you could remove someone from your life, who would it be? Any more people you'd like to remove?
If you could remove character traits, what would you remove in yourself? In your spouse/father/mother/friends?
Want to talk about your answers? Post a message to the blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.
Dear People,
One of the things you might catch yourself saying often is that you will do a task "in just a moment", but that moment never comes. You are busy, you are tired, you think you can do it tomorrow, but that tomorrow never seems to come. For some of us, this is a question of us delaying doing what is necessary, but for others, it's incorrect time management. Today I'm talking about only the second, as I've wrote a blog post already to help with procrastination: Taking Care of Future You.
Why we always have too many tasks
We like to feel productive so it's usually very tempting to add more and more tasks to our day. To say yes to requests from others or any thing that pops in our mind that we want to do. Often, we underestimate the time it takes to do tasks. So when the end of the day nears, the end of our list of things we wanted to do, didn't. The next day, we are up against the same mountain of work and it's likely that we will add more onto it.
Adding a task
When we say things will 'just take a moment' it means we think we can easily add it, but all the little moments add up. And often, what we say just takes a moment, costs us much more then that. A small tasks we would do immediately after all.
If we only look carefully how much work a certain tasks is going to be, we'd get a healthier outlook. A lot of things aren't then automatically put in the: "will do in the weekend" or "will do later"-pile. It forces us to plan when we will do things, write them down (so we don't forget) and consider our work load.
It also means that we need to prioritize whenever we add a new task. If it doesn't fit (which will happen often), we have to choose what is most important to us.
Removing or combining tasks
When we have a set pattern, we often don't think about tasks that we do. It's normal to brush our teeth, make our breakfast, dress and shower. Still, there might be a little time we can win by combining old and new tasks or by removing tasks that no longer serve us.
Regularly check your time management to see if you need to remove habits/tasks. You might find yourself aimlessly on social media or watching tv, while you are dying to exercise more or watch a documentary to learn something new. Often we have time sink habits that don't really bring us anything.
Time management exercise
This exercise contains two distinct lists, but you can combine them in the same notebook. If you are stressed for time, usually the first list is no problem, but the second is more time intensive. However, even giving a general view instead of an hourly update on that list will help you see what you do with your time.
List 1: Keeping a task list
On this list, keep all the tasks you plan to do. Whenever you say: "I'll fix that, I do that in just a moment or sure, I'll help", add the task to the list. If a task is done, remove it from the list. Keeping this list helps you keep your promises and also helps you see how heavy your work load is. We are less likely to overextend ourselves, if we know that our schedule is stuffed already.
List 2: Keeping an activity list
Just for a week, try to write down what you do every hour or if you can manage even every half hour. This way you can see where your time actually goes. Keeping yourself accountable also means that it's more difficult to spend hours watching tv. You can also write down at which times you feel most productive.
Have a time management tip to share or want to get a better grip on your own habits? Post a message on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or write me an e-mail.
Dear People,
We often want to do more then our bodies can handle - so they are our own natural boundaries. We need to eat, sleep and relax to keep healthy and energetic. This often means that we need to stop what we want to do or our body will stop us. This can be hard to accept, especially when people aren't healthy and have even stricter boundaries.
Boundary Acceptance
Since our boundaries are hard to accept, it's often becomes a struggle between what we want and what our body needs. Often people who have stricter boundaries feel that healthy people have none, but that's definitely not true. Even fit healthy people have slow days and need to eat, rest and sleep.
For all of us, to put aside what we want and work with what is needed, is a hard thing to do at first. Once we accept that boundaries teach us also what is important in our lives, what we prioritize and that without them, we'd probably have a hard time living, it becomes easier.
When we stop the angry, disappointed and critical voice towards our body and work with it, the health benefits are many and help us create heaven on earth for ourselves.
For all of us, to put aside what we want and work with what is needed, is a hard thing to do at first. Once we accept that boundaries teach us also what is important in our lives, what we prioritize and that without them, we'd probably have a hard time living, it becomes easier.
When we stop the angry, disappointed and critical voice towards our body and work with it, the health benefits are many and help us create heaven on earth for ourselves.
Exercise: Loving your body
- Close your eyes
- Start by feeling loving energy within your heart
- Allow that energy to slowly encompass all of your body
- See how that energy goes and feeds upon each other until you have enough to fill the whole universe
- Go with your thoughts to the body parts you have trouble with and gently say: "I love my... "
- Spend some time soaking in all the loving energy
- Open your eyes
- Ground yourself or eat a snack
Want to work on boundary and body acceptance? Send me a comment through the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me.
Every day time passes us by and often it feels like it flies by, so why not use it to help us heal?
Each season has important lessons to teach us if we look at nature and it's cycles. It's a bit harder I feel to use natural cycles as the weather is often not what we expect, so energy might feel different or shifted. However, the seasons will always keep coming and going.
Why work with the seasons
I personally love to have season themed decor in my house, so I can keep in line with the seasons and their energies. It's very easy to fall into only celebrating the new and never the old, only working on adding things and never remove things and only feeling accomplished at the end of something and while walking on the journey.
Working with the seasons helps me to achieve a better balance in my life. I've written a some small ideas on each of the seasons so you can do some work with them too.
Spring
Spring is all about the new entering your life and airing out what has gotten stuck from the previous year. Spring cleaning is literally cleaning up your space, but you can also use it clean up your energy field, visualize and meditate on new things you need and using spring energy to revitalize yourself.
If you need spring energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need a new beginning, use the colors of spring (light greens, light yellow etc.), the scents of spring (light floral scents) and spring symbols (little birds, bunnies, butterflies, flowers etc.).
Summer
Summer is a time of warmth, so extra energy is easier to get due to longer daylight hours and more sun energy. It's the time of year that gives us a social boost as we want to connect more and often chat longer. The perfect time to work on issues that you need more energy for, to work on unfinished business and to relax and recharge in the sun.
If you need summer energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need more energy, warmth or fun, use the colors of summer (darker yellow, blue, green colors and floral colors), the scents of summer (seaside scents, heavier flower scents like jasmine) and summer symbols (sun, cocktails, sunflowers, travel symbols etc.)
Fall
Fall sees us often looking at things that are dying off and need to be released. It's a time for reflection and peace. It's that time that helps us remember that we are in a cycle, because the leaves are falling, but also rewards come due in the form of many fruits and vegetables. What rewards can we reap and what didn't do so well? An energy to use for reflection.
If you need fall energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need to taste the rewards or refocus on what works, use the colors of fall (orange, browns, yellows), the scents of fall (pumpkin, grape and other fall fruit) and fall symbols (falling leaves, pumpkins, wine etc.)
Winter
Winter is all about surviving the cold and the dark by being wise with your energy and keeping in line with your strength. If you always have difficult winter seasons (depression, colds etc.) make sure you stock up on extra sun in the summer or arrange a getaway during the winter season towards the sun. It's cold and darkness however also helps us to be grateful for light and for each other.
If you need winter energy in another season for your project or goal, because you need to learn to wait patiently or keep things going in the background, use the colors of winter (white, gold, silvers), the scents of winter (cinnamon, warmed spices, and food scents) and winter symbols (snow flakes, snow etc.)
Want to chat about your habits around the seasons? Post a comment on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.
I've already wrote a bit about How I work with Crystals, but today I wanted to write a bit about the why and give you some ideas on how you can work with them yourself. Please don't think you need to spend a fortune on crystals to work with them. Take your time to see what works for you and don't hesitate to try to use other rocks or even pieces of wood for vibration work.
Why I work with Crystals
I have been attracted to crystals from a young age. While I don't really like to wear jewelry, somehow natural stones always would give me a warm fuzzy feeling. I also loved mineral clusters as they are very pretty. I can remember wearing tiger eye as a young child as one of my friends gifted it to me as a birth stone and to help with my asthma.
I still find stones one of the easiest ways to do intention work and vibration work with as they will retain a lot of energy, help with their own energy and are easy to use.
Picking the right Crystals
A lot of people will read up on what certain crystals do, but I believe in first picking with your heart, intuition and soul. Check out what crystal seems to call your name, see what makes you feel comfortable or happy and only after that pay attention to what other people have used that particular crystal for: it will very likely teach you something about yourself. Else you might select crystals that you think will work for you - when in fact they won't.
The opposite is also true: crystals that repulse you probably have something to teach you as well. Their energies might clash with yours, it might be something you can't accept yet or that you are afraid to let into your life.
Crystal Tips
Naturally, the easiest thing to do is to just wear your crystals.
However, there is a lot more you can do with them like:
- Place them in your water bottle (make sure they are non toxic) or near your water for a boost
- Place some in a bowl near your couch so you can touch them while you watch TV or talk with friends
- Place some in the hallway near your shoes
- Place some under your pillow or near your head while you sleep or under the bed
- Set some next to your work area to heal clear your head
Crystal Exercise: Making a Crystal Pouch or Grid
When you have an intention you want to work with or goal that you want to accomplish, it's fun to work with crystals. You can of course choose only one specific crystal, but you can also make a pouch or Grid and use combined crystal energies for more effect.
A pouch is meant to be worn, but if you feel uncomfortable wearing many crystals, making a grid is a good alternative. A Grid can be placed on any surface, but for maximum effect please place it somewhere you can see it often or can be near it.
Selecting your crystals for a pouch or grid is easy: follow your intuition, read up on crystal meanings and see what works for you. I recommend 5 crystals maximum in a pouch (else it isn't comfortable to wear) and as many as you can fit comfortably in your grid. I like to form geometric symbols with my grids, but you can use any formation that you want.
Once you have finished your pouch or grid, reiterate your intent or goal while holding your pouch or when you are near your grid. Repeat this at least once a week (but preferably daily) until you are satisfied with the results or want to make changes. Be sure to thank all energies that have helped you before emptying a pouch or when you reconfigure your grid.
Crystal Exercise: Chakra Balancing
I wrote an article about how to balance chakras using affirmations, but using crystals is also an easy and fast way to help balance yourself. I have a chakra Pouch featuring the 7 main chakra's with them etched on the crystals, but you can also select crystals that you feel fit your chakra's best.
One of my favorite ways to work with my pouch is to draw the stones to see what chakras need crystal aid the most. I link them to area's that I'm working on in my life so I can see what is going on and might need reconsidering.
Example:
I draw my 7 crystals as follows: 3rd Chakra, 7th Chakra, 5th Chakra, 4th Chakra, 6th Chakra, 2nd Chakra, 1st Chakra.
Right now, it feels like my will is weaker then usual, it's hard for me to keep myself motivated. I'm rechecking what needs to be done in my life and what's really important to me. Especially with the 7th Chakra as the second draw it's important I stay on my Soul's path and keep in touch with my Guidance. It's obviously also important to keep my own voice (5th) while staying in touch with my feelings (4th). However, there seems to be a good solid base with my intuition (6th), gut feeling (2nd) and stability (1st Chakra).
Want to share what you do with your crystals? Post a message on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice!
Dear People,
Power Struggle is a very damaging dynamic in which winning becomes more important then anything else. It's a dynamic that knows only losers, because there is no healthy outcome. Yet it is one of the most insidious dynamics in relationships to stop, so today I'm writing about recognizing and stopping power struggles.
What is a Power Struggle?
The short version: a Power Struggle is a fight about control between you and another person. For example: between you and your child about what gets eaten at dinner or between you and your spouse about what you will do in the weekend.
The long version:
While a power struggle looks to be about control (what happens/what decision is made) when you look closer you can see a lot of emotions and thoughts connected to a struggle. Fear, Anger, Loss, Betrayal, Feeling unloved or like a failure etc. almost always play a role.
If those feelings and thought patterns aren't addressed, nothing is really resolved. Even if you get your way, your partner will struggle with these and it won't be a true win. If you lose, you get to hold the bag and it won't be a true win for your partner.
Solving the power struggle: Tactic 1: Stop Struggling
What ever you are trying to accomplish, whatever you want, whoever you are trying to control let it go. Drop the rope. Stop trying to convince your partner, child or friend. Heal your own emotions and thought patterns first. Acknowledge why something is important for you, without putting blame on your struggle partner. Put your wishes back into perspective and often you will find that the other person is more willing to listen, understand and compromise now that you have let go. You yourself might be surprised at how little you actually 'care' now that you have stopped the struggle and healed your issues.
Solving the power struggle: Tactic 2: Get back on the Team
In a power struggle both parties feel they are right, both feel that it's absolutely necessary to receive what you want, to gain control. This mindset is destructive: we don't want losers in our relationships. Whenever somebody loses (energy, love, patience etc.) or receives trauma (betrayal, pain, heartbreak) our relationship suffers. We also still have to deal with what happened, because someone we love is in pain. So step out of the mindset. Get back on the team. Ask your struggle partner what you can do to help, listen to them on what is going on with them, help them first and then ask for help in return. Make it a team effort to find compromise, make a plan and move forward.
Solving the power struggle: Tactic 3: Allow outside help
Maybe there is somebody who can mediate or if there isn't, you can ask your Guides, Angels, God, The Universe or whatever positive force you are comfortable with to intercede for you. Find it in your heart to move towards a solution, instead of 'getting your way' by asking for help.
Want to solve a power struggle or talk about one that's currently in your life? Post a comment on the Blog or Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.
A lot of the time I talk with people about healing their birth families (which they were raised in) and their core families (that they build themselves). We all receive patterns from our birth family that we continue into our own core families. This why sometimes patterns become Ancestral problems, which each generation being out of balance. So, today I'm going to write about how to recognize these unhealthy patterns, forgive the generations above us and below us and heal them.
Recognizing unhealthy family patterns
If you look at the generations above you and below you what type of family story do you see emerge? Does everybody have a good job or are some people workaholics (unbalanced) or unmotivated (unbalanced in the other direction). How does your family deal with money? Are some people extremely stingy while others give away too freely? How about love? Are the relationships healthy or do you have many divorces or abusive relationships or people who refuse to start a relationship. How about self-esteem?
An unhealthy pattern doesn't mean that all family members do exactly the same thing. Like the questions above usually a few family members choose one extreme while the other family members choose another. To see the unhealthy pattern, to most common question should be: Does my family deal healthily with love, friendships, self-esteem, learning, money, health etc. and if not, which extreme patterns do I see?
What is the difference in healing a personal pattern vs a family pattern?
If there is a personal pattern and for example you are the only one in your family having self esteem issues, there is often personal trauma involved. You might have had a harsh teacher or been bullied at school.
If it's a family pattern the problem is often much more difficult to root out, because none of your family can help you build healthy self-esteem, because none of them have it. It often means that the problem becomes reinforced as your parents might teach you to work extra hard to prove yourself while pointing out other family members who 'amount to nothing' as they took the other extreme and decided not to play the rat-race game.
So when struggling with an unhealthy pattern that is difficult to heal, take some time to check how your family deals with it. A family pattern could have been caused by trauma to an ancestor high up, so it's hard to figure out what happened, but it can also have happened to your mother, father or grandparents so it might be easier to find out what the 'start trauma' was. It will bring you more understanding and forgiveness, but it's not necessary to find out the start trauma to heal it.
Exercise: Healing an unhealthy family pattern
- Write down in detail what you feel is the unhealthy pattern and what everybody's role is in it.
- Write down what you need to do to transform your role from unhealthy to healthy
- Imagine yourself transforming this in your life and your good example showing others in your family how to do this for themselves
- Sit with the light of transformation within you until you feel cleared and at peace.
- Ask for the light of your transformation to be moved through the generations above and below you
- Ask for transformation again if you feel you are backsliding into the pattern and make sure you move it through your whole family tree again
When we are in the positive flow it feels like making changes is effortless. Also, getting great results helps us to stay motivated and happy. This cycle is extremely joyful when you manage to keep it flowing, so that's why today I'm writing about taking charge of changes in your life. No matter what you want to change, moving forward towards a happier, joyfuller and more fulfilled path is going to be great for you.
Change Busters
There are a lot of reasons why we can say we want a certain change (lose weight, exercise more, meditate more often, switch jobs etc.), but then we don't actually do anything to accomplish them. So if you want to stay in the positive flow, here is your work sheet to first on what not to do:
- Overwhelm yourself. Don't think you can plan 5 times a week gym time if all you normally do is sit on the couch. Make sure your changes are realistic, by fitting them in your current life (taking into account your energy levels and time constraints).
- Try to make multiple changes at once. Tackle one area first and and only when it has become routine and you do it 4 out of 5 times (or 9 out of 10), move forward towards something new
- Make sure you really want to make that change and it's not something you think you are 'supposed' to do. A positive change is only positive if it gives positive results in your life
- Your thinking shouldn't be: 'this is hard', 'this is never going to work', but instead should be this (small) step is worthwhile and I'm going to discover what it does for me
Plan first, work later, is my motto for a productive and joyful day, so that's why this exercise starts with a planning stage.
Planning Stage:
- Write down what you want to add or remove from your routine
- If it's something you want to add, check what should be removed or reduced so you have time and energy for the change you want to make
- If it's something you want to remove, check what need it fills so you know what it's present in your life and how you need to fill that need in a joyful and healthy way.
- Plan when you are going to do that (day & time) and how often
- Reflect on how your plan matches your reality. It's never going to match 100%, but see what happened and what you can do about it. If you didn't stick to it, was it because of time or energy issues (recharge first), was it becomes of lack of motivation (how much do you want this change) or was it because of outside forces (are your boundaries healthy? are you happy with what you did instead?).
- Praise yourself for every single time you managed to keep to your plan. Do a little happy dance, pat yourself on the back, celebrate with a cup of tea or coffee etc. It's important to keep the positive flow going and the resulting joy flowing.
- Check if this change has become routine and if not, how much more do you need to invest in it. Adjust your plan accordingly. If it is, simply plan your next positive step or take a set time to enjoy your accomplishment.
Suppose I want to mediate more to be more mindful during my day. I currently meditate once a month. So daily meditation should either be short (5 minute max) or I should plan a weekly meditation that last longer (20 minute max). Else, it will overwhelm me.
If I choose a weekly longer meditation, it's likely that I will pick the weekend for that, so then I need to see what I normally do in my weekend. Maybe I need to go to bed a little earlier and wake up earlier for a meditation before the kids are awake. Maybe I need to stop zoning out in front of the television and do an evening meditation before bed.
If I pick a daily meditation, I need to see where I plan that. Morning which means a better morning routine (can't hurry out the door after meditation) or evening which means a better evening routine (going to bed on time).
After a week or 3 it's time for reflection if you chose a weekly meditation. How did this choice work for me? Do I want to switch to daily or do I want to switch to longer meditation? How did it impact my life? Am I happier and more mindful? Is this change positive?
If you chose daily meditation after 10-15 days you want to check up on yourself. How many days did you meditate? If you did it, did you feel better that day and the day after? On days you didn't, what happened?
Have a change you want to make in your life? Post a comment on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me to make it happen.
Today is another day to EFT, which will help you achieve those goals. We all want to move forward and we sometimes have a hard time doing so. We often want too much, too fast, so realistic goal setting with EFT helps us to release disappointment, anger and stress.
EFT Sentences on the goal setting
Even though I haven't achieved anything yet, I trust in the realistic goal setting process
Even though I had problems with goals before, I trust in the realistic goal setting process
Even though the thought of a goal discourages me, I trust in the realistic goal setting process
Even though I have set unrealistic goals in the past, I trust in the realistic goal setting process
Even though I don't like my track record with goals, I trust in the realistic goal setting process
EFT Sentences on common goal setting blocks
Even though I feel like I failed on my goals, I choose to set new realistic goals and learn from the past
Even though I feel like I never achieved any goals, I choose to set new realistic goals and move forward
Even though my goals have been impossible to achieve before, I choose to set new realistic goals
Even though I feel I can't achieve my goals, I choose to set new realistic goals
Even though I'm stressed out, I choose to set new realistic goals
Even though I feel I have too much on my plate, I choose to set new realistic goals
EFT Sentences on goal setting
Even though it's easy to want everything, I set realistic goals I can achieve
Even though I can get swamped with wants, I set realistic goals I can achieve
Even though it can feel tough to set priorities, I set realistic goals I can achieve
Want to share your story of achieving your goals or ask for some help with the process? Post a message on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.