A lot of us give a lot and it's easy to forget our own boundaries and to feel burnt out. We are tired of helping others and we just want to be left alone or we try to manipulate others to give to us, because we aren't receiving enough. This is a serious issue that can damage our relationships with other people and definitely the one we have with ourselves. So today I'll talk about how to keep your positive flow with giving!
Remove any expectations
I'm sure we all have been on the receiving end of receiving a gift and having the giver expect us to be grateful, happy, excited or any other mix of feelings. It makes it very awkward when we don't like the gift or when we feel pressured into giving back something (time, energy, a favor, a gift etc.). This type of giving and receiving diminishes both people.
So when you plan to give something, check with yourself: would you be very sad if the person doesn't like it, are you giving it because you wish for something in return (thanks, a favor, a gift) or to make yourself feel superior? We all fall into these types of traps, so don't worry, just do the work necessary to heal these expectations so you can give freely.
Make sure you really want to give what you are giving
Sometimes we feel obligated to give (time, energy, a favor, a gift) because the receiver is family, or a good friend or our boss. When we feel obligated, the gift isn't given freely, and again it will diminish both parties. Or we might feel that before we give something, we receive an apology or build a better bond.
When you don't feel that you can give this particular thing freely, check what you can give freely. It might be less time, a less expensive gift, good advice or an opening to talk and air out your feelings
Make sure you give enough to yourself
Sometimes we are so caught up in what other people need, want or require from us, that we forget to give to ourselves. This is especially easy if we have children, but we can also be caught up in family, spouses or even our boss!
So check your own needs regularly to make sure you have what you need to feel happy and whole. Don't be shy about buying yourself a gift or taking time for just yourself.
Make sure you receive back
If giving becomes one sided for a long time, our relationships suffer. So make sure that you receive back, either by accepting what another person offers or by asking for things yourself. If you find yourself saying: "No, it's no problem" or "It's fine", check yourself. Often we have learned that this is polite but having a healthy giving flow is much more important then being polite!
Want to share more about giving and receiving? Post a comment on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me.
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