I already wrote an article about Asking for Help, but that was about urging people to ask for help from your Guides, Angels or Animal Totems. Besides them, there is a multitude of Healers, Advisers, friends and family that are there to help you. Yet, often, we want to do it on our own!
Why we won't accept help from friends
Often our loved ones will see that we need help. They can see our stress or that we are postponing important tasks, because we are not sure if we can do them. They offer help, because they want to help. Either because it costs them very little energy or time or because they want to do something for us. However, most people routinely say no to offers of help. Why? Because we think that we know better then the person offering help! We think that it would cost them too much, so we say no. Or we want to be polite and we say no, secretly hoping the other person will offer again or do it anyway.
If you recognize this type of behavior, allow yourself to accept offers of help and see how your life will become easier and happier. When other people help us, in a true fashion (see the article True Aid and the Quick Fix) the bond between people grows and strengthens. It brings joy and positivity to all involved. If you still can't accept help, look for exercises that allow your self esteem to grow so you can accept that everybody deserves help!
Why we won't ask for help
Besides accepting help, we always have the option to ask for help. However, most people refuse to do this. They have the mistaken belief that they have to do things on their own. Prove somehow, that they are capable of doing things on their own, as if this would gain them something.
To decide if we will ask for help, we have to take a closer look at our own beliefs about help. Everybody has a different set of rules stating when you can and when you can't for help.
For example: some people would go to a doctor if they think they have broken something, but won't go to the dentist immediately if they have pain. Some people will go see a psychologist if they feel traumatized, but others would prefer to deal with this type of pain themselves first. Also, everybody's position about medication is different. Some people think it's wise to take as little as possible (so sometimes they have to bear pain) while others decide that living as pain free as possible is the best option.
When you write down your rules, you might recognize that some of them are not healthy or conductive to a healthy and happy life. Why is it ok to have dental pain for hours? Why is it ok to keep feeling traumatized? Why is it ok to feel depressed for a year or longer, before seeking help?
Mostly, it's our ego that tells us that it will toughen us up or that we can prove something if we don't ask for help, but fix it ourselves. However, rationally speaking, we can see how not asking for help after trying on our own for a while, will only make our lives more difficult.
How to check when help is needed
When I ask people what they gained by waiting years/months/week or days to ask for help, most them answer: "Nothing". While it's understandable to take some time to see if you can do something on your own, after a while, you should have a pretty clear idea if that works or not. If you have such a situation in your life - where you don't see a solution, even though you tried. Start thinking on who you can ask for help or do some research on finding a professional.
Also, when I ask them, what the better option is: slaving away 1 year to do something on your own, or fixing it together with a friend in half the time or even less, most people agree that asking for help would be the better option. Sometimes this is easy to see: when moving house, you don't go around carrying all those boxes on your own. You know that it would take you months, while calling a few friends or hiring a service makes sure you can move within the weekend!
If you have a similar situation in your life, where you have worked for a long time and the work that remains will take you quite some time longer, it's time to ask for help.
If there is a situation that you need help with and you don't know if I can help you, simply call me on work days between 7pm-8pm in the evening or send me an e-mail.
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