Lately I have seen a few examples on how a sense of 'what is fair' can impede the Healing Process, which is why I wanted to write about this on the blog for a while now.
Why a feeling of fairness can impede the start of your Healing
In our lives, we encounter people/things/events that we deem 'good' or 'bad'. A lovely Chinese Parable about what we deem a blessing or a curse is the story of the Old Man and the Horse. Despite it's dire warnings to not judge, most of us continue to do so. Out of this judging comes a sense of fake Fairness, which I will talk about in this article.
Now that people have decided what in their lives is a blessing and what is a curse, they will deem if they are treated unfairly or fairly. They can now complain that they always get the short end of the stick - that they have more troubles then their neighbors and that it is unfair.
Now this unfairness grows into a sense of entitlement. If you are treated unfairly, why should you do the work? Shouldn't good things happen to you to compensate for it? Shouldn't you have an easy time of it? You surely didn't deserve this!
So now, you have a good reason to stop investing in your Healing Journey. Nobody deserves illness, broken relationships or other things we qualify as misfortune or curses. Yet, when we encounter them, we have a choice to work through it or stay with it. Fair or not, there are no other options!
How a feeling of fairness can impede a Healing Journey
Another way 'fairness' can impede a Healing is when it impedes the Healing Journey. Healing is a Journey of self discovery of finding out what works for you and what doesn't. Often it's hard to see what is working for you and what isn't. Some people with the same complaints might make more progress and despite your hard work it might *look* like you are making none.
Then it's easy to sit down and complain. To find it unfair that you are doing so much work - with none of the results you hoped for. This sense of Fairness can stop people in their Healing Journey completely for a long time if you let it.
A Healing Journey is not straight forward. Now that my blood values are returning to normal and stabilizing, I can not say: "This is what worked for me". I have done many things and worked through many issues. I have had help along the way. A clear cause and effect often doesn't exist. A Healing Journey often hits a tipping point, after which things improve or heal completely. Finding that point is hard work.
An exercise in balancing fairness: The List
If you still have trouble starting on your Healing Journey or keeping on it this is an exercise to help you return to balance and truth.
Take the time to sit down somewhere for around 30-45 minutes. It's often best to be undisturbed, because while your list can give quite some tears, it may also give you some unexpected laughter. Once you are stuck in the "Fair" world idea it might be hard to let go, but this exercise is meant to show how silly that idea is!
Write above the list: "The Getaway" and fill in all the things you have done that you have gotten away with. Nights not sleeping and working hard without getting ill? Drove too fast, but didn't get fined? Treated a person ugly, but they forgave you and remained your friend?
Most of us will have hundreds if not thousands of these kind of 'offenses' in which we weren't caught or didn't pay any price. How strange is it to think then, that the world if "fair" in the way that everything gets paid for? How strange that you have to have 'done' something to deserve what happened? Or that because you didn't, it should be solved for you?
Enjoyed reading about this part of the Healing Journey? Want to tell me how your exercise went? Respond on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or through E-mail!
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