Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear People,

While I already wrote about what questions I won't answer but recently I was also asked twice about what type of clients aren't welcome in my practice. It's a difficult question to answer, because I would like to say everybody is welcome, but the truth is that this just isn't possible. It's fair to say that I have two groups of people who I don't tend to work with.

Group 1: People whose problems I can't solve/who are better off with somebody else
While I'd love to help everybody, the truth is that sometimes I don't see the results I want. I've never had 0 results, but sometimes the results aren't on the issue the client feels is most urgent. I often find that if we continue working there will be a shift in what is considered the 'main issue'. However, if it doesn't do this within a reasonable time frame, I will start looking at alternatives for my client.

For example: somebody might come with problems concerning weight and first will find more energy, better sleeping patterns and less snacking, but no direct results on their weight in the first few sessions.

It can also be that the problem goes away too slowly and I feel that a client is better served going to someone who works differently. I mainly work on the emotional/mental and spiritual side of issues and sometimes another approach gives faster results or might even be paid for by insurance.

Whenever I feel that you are not best served by my work, I feel it's my duty to tell you to at least try somewhere else. So even if clients insist that they want to stay I often ask them to take a break from sessions with me, explore another option or at least think about it and then think long and hard if they really want to continue. However, if you are satisfied and don't mind going slow(er) I will respect a clients choice, unless I truly feel that I'm doing them a disservice. I won't work against my own conscience.

Group 2: People who don't respect the rules of my practice/don't work well with me
I'm very transparent about how I like to work, what my rules and guidelines are and how I feel we will get the best results. Some people who come to my practice feel hopeless, don't think it's going to make a difference or have a 'wait and see'-approach. While that doesn't make for the easiest working relationships, I do understand where that attitude is coming from and am fine with it. Often, it starts to shift when results are coming in.

Sometimes however, this attitude doesn't change or even becomes combative. You are free to take my advice or not and to choose how you want to live your life, but don't choose something else and then come and complain that your life isn't moving like I said it would. For my own health and well being, I then have to let go of a client. I don't want to get stuck in power struggles about what is really changing in a clients life and what isn't and why.

Another problem are clients or potential clients who don't want to respect the rules of the practice. They want free consultations and will call between 7pm-8pm to ask me to answer their questions. That time I have set aside for making or changing appointments and discussing if I can help you and I usually don't have the peace and quiet necessarily to do Readings. I will of course also explain that I don't work for free. Still I have people who continue to try this. I once had to hang up on somebody who had tried this on at least 4 different occasions and just kept going on the last occasion by saying: "It was just a quick/small question". Even if it is, I don't have to work for free and I don't want to during this particular time in my evenings.

I also have people who are angry about having to pay for cancelling late or not cancelling at all. While I understand that it's hard to pay while you feel you have received 'nothing', I did do preparation work, kept your spot open and told you in advance this is how I work. If you don't agree with how I work, you are free to find somebody who works the way you want.

Still I have had clients who keep trying to persuade me to work in ways they want (no cancellation fees, working without feedback, not keeping appointments, wanting extra's, working for free etc.). Again, for both of our sakes it's better to discontinue working together as I thought long and hard on why I want to work this way and I don't feel inclined to change it. It's fine when clients ask if something is possible/if I can make an exception, but if you can't accept a no and keep on pushing boundaries, I'm not interested in keeping you as a client.

What's surprising for most people is that I don't ban clients who have mental problems, don't ban addicts etc. I always check on a case by case basis if I can help you and no group is banned in advance. While it can be more difficult to work with people struggling with these issues, I am always willing to try.

Have a question for me? Ask me in the practice, send me an e-mail or post a comment on the blog or Facebook Fan Page.

Time to help us release one of the emotions we often feel and that can be hard to release. A lot of us feel guilty daily, often for things out of our control (I should have/could have/would have), because we want to do more (I'm disappointing X, I'm not being there enough) and only rarely for things we actually do wrong. I often see people in the practice who carry around guilt that isn't theirs or for years and years. Let's all move forward to having a healthy relationship with guilt.

 My Guilt Reflection questions are the following:

1. Do I feel guilty for something I did? If so can I justify it/forgive myself?
2. Do I feel guilty for something I didn't do? If so, was it reasonable for me to expect myself to do it? Did I have the time/energy to make it happen or did I need to take care of something else first?
3. If I still feel guilty, do I need to make it right (apologize) or do I need to let go?

Question 1makes sure that you feel guilty for something that you actually did and are responsible for while also making sure that the other person's part is recognized. For example: If you feel guilty that you slammed the phone, it shows you that you also need to see what the other person did, because you might be able to justify it with a: 'they were yelling at me and not respecting my boundaries'.

Question 2 helps you see if you feel guilty for not meeting expectations (your own or those of others). It shows you where you put your priorities and if they are right for you are not. For example: If you feel guilty for not visiting your mom/dad or a sick relative. It shows you that we all have limited time/energy and we have to pick.

Question 3 helps to see what type of guilt it is. Sometimes we keep feeling guilty for things we did genuinely do wrong, even if the other person no longer feels harmed, like for example: not giving back a library book, which we can always still make right in some way and sometimes we just need to let go.

EFT sentences on guilt and responsibility
Even though I feel guilty, I choose to see the whole picture.
Even though I feel guilty, I choose to see the truth.
Even though I feel guilty, I choose to have a healthy relationship with guilt.

EFT sentences on guilt and expectations
Even though I feel guilty I wasn't able to do X, I understand I have my own needs
Even though I feel guilty I wasn't able to do X, I understand I have my own life
Even though I feel guilty I wasn't able to do X, I understand I'm only human

EFT on releasing guilt
Even though I still feel guilty, I choose to move forward
Even though I still feel guilty, I choose to release my guilt
Even though I didn't behave perfectly, I forgive myself/release my guilt
Even though I didn't do the right thing, I forgive myself/release my guilt
Even though I feel I didn't do enough, I forgive myself/release my guilt
Even though people were hurt, I forgive myself/release my guilt
Even though I feel I need to suffer for what I've done, I recognize my suffering would serve no purpose so I forgive myself/release my guilt

Feel free to leave a comment on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or to talk to me in the practice about releasing guilt.

Dear People,

From all solutions that are available to us when we struggle, waiting is one of the hardest to do. In our society a premium is placed on being busy, doing things and active participation. However, the passive and reflective side of us can bring solutions as well.

Reflective waiting vs fretting
If you are boiling water for tea, you have to wait until it's done before you can make it. A common saying is: a watched pot never boils. This isn't true of course, but the idea is very sound. If we keep on fretting and watching the pot it is going to take ages and it's going to drain our energy and mood.

Sometimes we need to wait for the other person, we need to take time for forces behind the scenes to get things moving and fretting, watching and micromanaging isn't going to have it done faster.

Reflective waiting is knowing the pot is on the stove, that things are moving forward and that sometimes you will see little signs to see the situation is moving forward. Keep an eye out for those little changes, in yourself, in the environment, in others to help you with waiting and to adjust course whenever necessary. Learn to wait patiently and gracefully and your life will improve.

Waiting vs procrastination
Sometimes we say we are waiting, but in fact, we aren't, we are procrastinating. If you are waiting, that means you have done the appropriate action and you need to wait to hear from the other side (like for your pot to boil). Often we don't really want to do the appropriate action, so we are saying we are waiting: for the time to do something, for a better day, for tomorrow etc. etc.

So, how do you know you are not really waiting? When you ask yourself what you are waiting for and it isn't something on the other side, but it is something you need to do, you are procrastinating.

There is no day like today! Future you will be thankful that you started the work.

Waiting vs Delaying
Sometimes when we need to make a decision, it's hard for us. A lot can be riding on it or it's hard to get in touch with what you really want or need. So we can take the time to wait a little bit, see how we feel, see what happens etc. This helps us out so we don't take impulsive action that backfires. The difference between taking a little time and delaying is when we have exhausted our reflective time, exhausted our analyzing, talked about it with others and still aren't ready to take action.

If nothing is moving anymore, because you aren't moving, then you are delaying. When we have unfinished business from weeks or months ago, this will sap our energy. To stay connected to the flow, sometimes it's just time to experience and see what results it will bring.

Good things come to people who wait (after they did what they needed to do). Want to share your story with waiting? Post it on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.